2006年02月19日

他现在已是研三,从未有过爱之体会,在他大四那年,由于他一直在一个固定的教室上自习,注意到一个也一直在那个教室上自习的女孩,而且,很巧是,那个女孩每次都坐在他前面。他越来越喜欢她,但是,内向的他却不敢有任何举动,只是每晚默默注视她的背影。

大四第二学期,已经不用上自习了,为了心爱的女孩,他依然每天自习当他把秘密告诉舍友们后,其它6个哥们一致决定帮他走出第一步。

于是,那天晚上,7个人一起去了教室。但是,无论舍友们怎么鼓励他,他就是没有勇气走出关键的第一步,舍友们无奈地说:“看来我们也帮不了你了,自己努力吧。”回到宿舍,他彻夜难免,痛定思痛,决定第二天无论如何也要向他心爱的姑娘表白。

第二天晚上,他如期见到了她。经过了心潮澎湃、坐如针毡等等过程,内心的两个小人儿激烈大战了1800回合,最后,浪漫的骑士胜利了。

他递给姑娘一张纸条:“你好!我注意你很长时间了。你是一个温柔漂亮的姑娘,我能和你做个朋友吗?

女孩看完字条,开始收拾书本,完毕,站起来转身问他:“我要走了,你要不要和我一起走?”

接下来,他说了一句也许是他一生中说过的最经典的话 。

******“你先走吧。我还有几页书没看完。”

丁铃!门上的铃当响了起来,一个三十多岁,穿著笔挺西服的男人,走进了这家飘 散着 浓浓咖啡香的小小咖啡厅。 

  “午安!欢迎光临!”年轻的老板娘亲切地招呼着。 

  男人一面客气地微微点了点头,一面走到吧台前的位子坐了下来,开口对老板娘说: 

  “麻烦给我一杯摩卡,谢谢。” 

  “好的,请稍候。”老板娘微笑着说。 

  接着她便开始熟练地磨碎咖啡豆,煮起咖啡来。男人一直带着笑容看着老板娘煮咖啡的动作,一副很享受的样子。 

  过了没多久,老板娘便将一杯香醇的咖啡端到男人的面前。“请慢用!” 

  “谢谢。”男人将杯子拿到嘴边,浅浅地尝了一口。 

  “第一次来吗??”老板娘问。 

  “是啊!!”男人答。 

  “觉得我们这家店怎么样?” 

  “很不错!气氛很好!” 

  “我自己也是很喜欢,所以虽然生意不好,我和我先生却还是舍不得把它关掉。” 

  “嗯……”男人好像有所同感地点了点头,又喝了一口咖啡。 

  两人沉默了一会,一时间空荡的店里只余悠扬爵士音乐。男人忽然开口,打破了这短暂的宁静。 

  “呃……不好意思,可以请教你一个问题吗??” 

  “什么问题呢?”老板娘好奇地问。 

  “嗯…这…这该怎么说好呢?”男人抓着头,一副不知所措的样子。“或者你可以先听 

  我说个故事吗?” 

  老板娘点了点头,示意男人继续说下去。 

  “我以前有个很要好的女朋友,已经到了要论及婚嫁的地步。我和她之间的感情发展得相当平凡,并不是什么经过大风大浪、轰轰烈烈般的爱情。但我想从我第一眼看到她的时候,就彷佛有一股魔力,有一个声音,在推动着我,告诉着我,就是她了!她就是我一直期待着的女孩。更令我高兴的是她也响应了我的示爱,接受了我。这一切的顺让 我整个人陶醉于幸褔的喜悦之中,只不过……”“只不过!!发生了什么事了吗??” 

  老板娘显然给故事吸引住了,她打断了男人的话。 

  “嗯……”男人脸色沉了下来,略微停顿了一下,继续说下去。 

  “只不过我忘了幸褔的背后,往往藏匿着最可怕的恶魔。就在我们订婚前一个月的一个晚上,她……她遭到了歹徒的强暴“啊!”老板娘惊讶地啊的一声叫了出来“都怪我!要是我那天坚持送她回去就好了!”男人用力地捶打着桌面,杯子中的咖啡因剧烈震动的关系洒了出来。 

  “你要问我的该不会就是这个吧!”老板娘一面擦拭着洒出来的咖啡一面说。 

  “不!不是的!我对她的感情不会因为这样而有所动摇,我决定仍旧如期订婚,可惜就 

  在我们订婚的那一天,她……上吊自杀了!” 

  男人的语调异常平缓,从他的表情上看得出,当时的他是多么的难过与震惊。 

  “自杀!那她有没有怎么样?”老板娘为突转而下的剧情睁大了眼睛,紧张地看着男人。 “幸运的是我们发现得早,送到医院时还有气,只是脑部因为长时间缺氧,呈现昏迷状态,当时医生说她一度有成为植物人的危险。” 

  老板娘松下一口气,“那她后来有醒过来吗?” 

  “有的,她醒了!” 

  “但……但当我得知她醒了的消息,高兴地要去看她时,却被她父母给拦在门外。” 

  “为什么?她父母为什么不让你去看她?” 

  “她父母跪在地上求我,原来她失去了记忆,失去了认识我以后的记忆,医生说这是选择性失忆症,当人在遭遇极大的打击时,会逃避性地藏起一些记忆。她父母求我暂时不要再出现在她面前,他们认为让她就这样忘了之前的一切对她比较好,怕我要是去见她或许会让她回想起来,到时她可能又会陷入昏迷,甚至又跑去自杀。” 

  “她父母这么说也是有道理,反正只是暂时嘛!等她情绪和身体都稳定了,你就又可以见她啦!”老板娘听了男人的话后这样说着。 

  男人勉力挤出一丝笑意,样子无限苍凉,“你知道他们的暂时指的是多久吗?是十年啊!也就是这十年里我得要忍受这样没有她的日子,就算偶尔在路上碰面,也得要装作陌生人一般地和她擦肩而过。”男人快要咆哮起来似的,“你知道这样的日子有多难熬,这样想爱却又不能爱的心情有多痛苦!” 

  “虽然会很痛苦,但你还是选择了这条路吧!”老板娘看着男人的眼神变得非常温柔。 

  老板娘的眼神让男人冷静了下来,点头说:“嗯!到今天就满十年了!” 

  “哦!真的吗!?那真是恭喜了,你努力撑了十年,到今天终于可以去见她了!”老板娘开心地说。 

  “是这样没错!但是愈到这一天,我反倒愈害怕。十年了,我的心意是没有改变,但是她呢?如果我跟 她说了以前的事,她还是想不起我那怎样办?,或者是她已经有男朋友,甚至于结婚了呢?” 

  “这才是我想请教你的问题!”男人似乎略带紧张的看着眼前年轻的女店主,静静地等待着她的答复。 

  “嗯……”老板娘用手托着头,脸色凝重地想着男人所提的问题。 

  “我想既然你这么爱那个女孩,她记不记得你其实并不重要,最多是重新开始而已,再重新追求她一次,再重新谈一次恋爱,其实也很不错吧!!而且就算有男朋友了也没关系啊!把她从他手中抢过来不就行了!”老板娘笑着说。 

  “但是!”她忽然将表情严肃了起来,“但是如果她已经结婚了的话,那你就放弃吧! 

  我们结了婚的人啊!是最痛恨有人破坏人家家庭的了!” 

  “是吗?”男人低着头冷寞地说。 

  “没错!!所以你可千万别做个破坏别人家庭的人哦!” 

  丁铃!挂在门上铃铛又响了起来,走进来几个刚下课的大学生,老板娘走出吧台,忙着招呼这几位新来的客人。 

  “对了!”老板娘好象忽然想到了什么,转过头来看着男人。 

  “你为什么会想问我这些啊!我和你不过是第一次见面而已啊!”她好奇地问。 

  “嗯……为什么呢……大概是因为那个女孩曾说过,结婚以后要和我一起开一家像这样的咖啡厅吧!” 

  “哦!!原来是这样子啊!”老板娘说。 

  “嗯!只是这样而已!只是这样而已!只是这样而已!只是……”男人不停地重复着同样一句话,好像藉此告诉自己什么似的。爵士乐停了下来,整个屋子里只听得大学生清脆的谈笑声。男人低着头偷偷地瞄着老板娘手上的结婚戒指,一滴温暖的眼泪,悄悄地滑进了那杯早已冷却的咖啡里  

2006年01月14日

23年前,有个年轻的女子流落到我们村,蓬头垢面,见人就傻笑,且毫不避讳地当众小便。因此,村里的媳妇们常对着那女子吐口水,有的媳妇还上前踹几脚,叫她“滚远些”。可她就是不走,依然傻笑着在村里转悠。
       那时,我父亲已有35岁。他曾在石料场子干活被机器绞断了左手,又因家穷,一直没娶媳妇。奶奶见那女子还有几份姿色,就动了心思,决定收下她给我父亲做媳妇,等她给我 家“续上香火”后,再把她撵走。父亲虽老大不情愿,但看着家里这番光景,咬咬牙还是答应了。结果,父亲一分未花,就当了新郎。
       娘生下我的时候,奶奶抱着我,瘪着没剩几颗牙的嘴,欣喜地说:“这疯婆娘,还给我生了个带把的孙子。”只是我一生下来,奶奶就把我抱走了,而且从不让娘靠近。
       娘一直想抱抱我,多次在奶奶面前吃力地喊:“给,给我……”奶奶没理她。我那么小,像个肉嘟嘟,万一娘失手把我掉在地上怎么办?毕竟,娘是个疯子。每当娘有抱我的请求时,奶奶总瞪起眼睛训她:“你别想抱孩子,我不会给你的。要是我发现你偷抱了他,我就打死你。即使不打死,我也要把你撵走。”奶奶说这话时,没有半点儿含糊的意思。娘听懂了,满脸的惶恐,每次只是远远地看着我。尽管娘的奶胀得厉害,可我没能吃到娘的半口奶水,是奶奶一匙一匙把我喂大的。奶奶说娘的奶水里有“神经病”,要是传染给我就麻烦了。
       那时,我家依然在贫困的泥潭里挣扎。特别是添了娘和我后,家里常常揭不开锅。奶奶决定把娘撵走,因为娘不但在家吃“闲饭”,时不时还惹是生非。
        一天,奶奶煮了一大锅饭,亲手给娘添了一大碗,说:“媳妇儿,这个家太穷了,婆婆对不起你。你吃完这碗饭,就去找个富点儿的人家过日子,以后也不准来了,啊?”娘刚扒了一大团饭在口里,听了奶奶下的“逐客令”显得非常吃惊,一团饭就在嘴里凝滞了。娘望着奶奶怀中的我,口齿不清地哀叫:“不,不要……”奶奶猛地沉下脸,拿出威严的家长作风厉声吼到:“你这个疯婆娘,犟什么犟,犟下去没你的好果子吃。你本来就是到处流浪的,我收留了你两年了,你还要怎么样?吃完饭就走,听到没有?”说完奶奶从门后拿出一柄锄,像余太君的龙头杖似的往地上重重一磕,“咚”地发出一声响。娘吓了一大跳,怯怯地看着婆婆,又慢慢低下头去看面前的饭碗,有泪水落在白花花的米饭上。在逼视下,娘突然有个很奇怪的举动,她将碗中的饭分了一大半给另一只空碗,然后可怜巴巴地看着奶奶。
       奶奶呆了,原来,娘是向奶奶表示,每餐只吃半碗饭,只求别赶她走。心仿佛被人狠狠揪了几把,奶奶也是女人,她的强硬态度也是装出来的。奶奶别过头,生生地将热泪憋了回去,然后重新板起了脸说:“快吃快吃,吃了快走。在我家你会饿死的。”娘似乎绝望了,连那半碗饭也没吃,朗朗跄跄地出了门,却长时间站在门前不走。奶奶硬着心肠说:“你走,你走,不要回头。天底下富裕人家多着呢!”娘反而走拢来,一双手伸向婆婆怀里,原来,娘想抱抱我。
      奶奶忧郁了一下,还是将襁褓中的我递给了娘。娘第一次将我搂在怀里,咧开嘴笑了,笑得春风满面。奶奶却如临大敌,两手在我身下接着,生怕娘的疯劲一上来,将我像扔垃圾一样丢掉。娘抱我的时间不足三分钟,奶奶便迫不及待地将我夺了过去,然后转身进屋关上了门。
      当我懵懵懂懂地晓事时,我才发现,除了我,别的小伙伴都有娘。我找父亲要,找奶奶要,他们说,你娘死了。可小伙伴却告诉我:“你娘是疯子,被你奶奶赶走了。”我便找奶奶扯皮,要她还我娘,还骂她是“狼外婆”,甚至将她端给我的饭菜泼了一地。那时我还没有“疯”的概念,只知道非常想念她,她长什么样?还活着吗?没想到,在我六岁那年,离家5年的娘居然回来了。
      那天,几个小伙伴飞也似地跑来报信:“小树,快去看,你娘回来了,你的疯娘回来了。”我喜得屁颠屁颠的,撒腿就往外跑,父亲奶奶随着我也追了出来。这是我有记忆后第一次看到娘。她还是破衣烂衫,头发上还有些枯黄的碎草末,天知道是在那个草堆里过的夜。娘不敢进家门,却面对着我家,坐在村前稻场的石磙上,手里还拿着个脏兮兮的气球。当我和一群小伙伴站在她面前时,她急切地从我们中间搜寻她的儿子。娘终于盯住我,死死地盯住我,裂着嘴叫我:“小树……球……球”她站起来,不停地扬着手中的气球,讨好地往我怀里塞。我却一个劲儿地往后退。我大失所望,没想到我日思夜想的娘居然是这样一副形象。一个小伙伴在一旁起哄说:“小树,你现在知道疯子是什么样了吧?就是你娘这样的。”
      我气愤地对小伙伴说:“她是你娘!你娘才是疯子,你娘才是这个样子。”我扭头就跑了。这个疯娘我不要了。奶奶和父亲却把娘领进了门。当年,奶奶撵走娘后,她的良心受到了拷问,随着一天天衰老,她的心再也硬不起来,所以主动留下了娘,而我老大不乐意,因为娘丢了我的面子。
      我从没给娘好脸色看,从没跟她主动说过话,更没有喊她一声“娘”,我们之间的交流是以我“吼”为主,娘是绝不敢顶嘴的。
      家里不能白养着娘,奶奶决定训练娘做些杂活。下地劳动时,奶奶就带着娘出去“观摩”,说不听话就要挨打。
      过了些日子,奶奶以为娘已被自己训练得差不多了,就叫娘单独出去割猪草。没想到,娘只用了半小时就割了两筐“猪草”。奶奶一看,又急又慌,娘割的是人家田里正生浆拔穗的稻谷。奶奶气急败坏地骂她:“疯婆娘谷草不分……”奶奶正想着如何善后时,稻田的主人找来了,竟说是奶奶故意教唆的。奶奶火冒三丈,当着人家的面拿出根棒一下敲在娘的后腰上,说:“打死你这个疯婆娘,你给老娘滚远些……”
       娘虽疯,疼还是知道的,她一跳一跳地躲着棒槌,口里不停地发出“别、别……”的哀号。最后,人家看不过眼,主动说“算了,我们不追究了。以后把她看严点就是……”这场风波平息后,娘歪在地上抽泣着。我鄙夷地对她说:“草和稻子都分不清,你真是个猪。”话音刚落,我的后脑勺挨了一巴掌,是奶奶打的。奶奶瞪着眼骂我:“小兔崽子,你怎么说话的?再这么着,她也是你娘啊!”我不屑地嘴一撇:“我没有这样的傻疯娘!”
      “嗬,你真是越来越不象话了。看我不打你!”奶奶又举起巴掌,这时只见娘像弹簧一样从地上跳起,横在我和奶奶中间,娘指着自己的头,“打我、打我”地叫着。
       我懂了,娘是叫奶奶打她,别打我。奶奶举在半空中的手颓然垂下,嘴里喃喃地说道:“这个疯婆娘,心里也知道疼爱自己的孩子啊!”我上学不久,父亲被邻村一位养鱼专业户请去守鱼池,每月能赚50元。娘仍然在奶奶的带领下出门干活,主要是打猪草,她没再惹什么大的乱子。
       记得我读小学三年级饿一个冬日,天空突然下起了雨,奶奶让娘给我送雨伞。娘可能一路摔了好几跤,浑身像个泥猴似的,她站在教室的窗户旁望着我傻笑,口里还叫:“树……伞……”一些同学嘻嘻地笑,我如坐针毡,对娘恨得牙痒痒,恨她不识相,恨她给我丢人,更恨带头起哄的范嘉喜。当他还在夸张地模仿时,我抓起面前的文具盒,猛地向他砸过去,却被范嘉喜躲过了,他冲上前来掐住我的脖子,我俩撕打起来。我个子小,根本不是他的对手,被他轻易压在地上。这时,只听教室外传来“嗷”的一声长啸,娘像个大侠似地飞跑进来,一把抓起范嘉喜,拖到了屋外。都说疯子力气大,真是不假。娘双手将欺负我的范嘉喜举向半空,他吓得哭爹喊娘,一双胖乎乎的小腿在空中乱踢蹬。娘毫不理会,居然将他丢到了学校门口的水塘里,然后一脸漠然地走开了。
      娘为我闯了大祸,她却像没事似的。在我面前,娘又恢复了一副怯怯的神态,讨好地看着我。我明白这就是母爱,即使神志不清,母爱也是清醒的,因为她的儿子遭到了别人的欺负。当时我情不自禁地叫了声:“娘!”这是我会说话以来第一次喊她。娘浑身一震,久久地看着我,然后像个孩子似的羞红了脸,咧了咧嘴,傻傻地笑了。那天,我们母子俩第一次共撑一把伞回家。我把这事跟奶奶说了,奶奶吓得跌倒在椅子上,连忙请人去把爸爸叫了回来。爸爸刚进屋,一群拿着刀棒的壮年男人闯进我家,不分青红皂白,先将锅碗瓢盆砸了个稀巴烂,家里像发生了九级地震。这都是范嘉喜家请来的人,范父恶狠狠地指着爸爸的鼻子说:“我儿子吓出了神经病,现在卫生院躺着。你家要不拿出1000块钱的医药费,我他妈一把火烧了你家的房子。”
      1000块?爸爸每月才50块钱啊!看着杀气腾腾的范家人,爸爸的眼睛慢慢烧红了,他用非常恐怖的目光盯着娘,一只手飞快地解下腰间的皮带,劈头盖脸地向娘打去。一下又一下,娘像只惶惶偷生的老鼠,又像一只跑进死胡同的猎物,无助地跳着、躲着,她发出的凄厉声以及皮带抽在她身上发出的那种清脆的声响,我一辈子都忘不了。最后还是派出所所长赶来制止了爸爸施暴的手。派出所的调解结果是,双方互有损失,两不亏欠。谁在闹就抓谁!一帮人走后,爸看看满屋狼籍的锅碗碎片,又看看伤痕累累的娘,他突然将娘搂在怀里痛哭起来,说:“疯婆娘,不是我硬要打你,我要不打你,这事下不了地,咱们没钱赔人家啊。这都是家穷惹的祸!”爸又看着我说:“树儿,你一定要好好读书考大学。要不,咱们就这样被人欺负一辈子啊!”我懂事地点点头。
      2000年夏,我以优异成绩考上了高中。积劳成疾的奶奶不幸去世,家里的日子更难了。恩施洲的民政局将我家列为特困家庭,每月补助40元钱,我所在的高中也适当减免了我的学杂费,我这才得以继续读下去。
      由于是住读,学习又抓得紧,我很少回家。父亲依旧在为50元打工,为我送菜的担子就责无旁贷地落在娘身上。每次总是隔壁的婶婶帮忙为我抄好咸菜,然后交给娘送来。20公里的羊肠山路亏娘牢牢地记了下来,风雨无阻。也真是奇迹,凡是为儿子做的事,娘一点儿也不疯。除了母爱,我无法解释这种现象在医学上应该怎么破译。
      2003年4月27日,又是一个星期天,娘来了,不但为我送来了菜,还带来了十几个野鲜桃。我拿起一个,咬了一口,笑着问她:“挺甜的,哪来的?”娘说:“我……我摘的……”没想到娘还会摘野桃,我由衷地表扬她:“娘,您真是越来越能干了。”娘嘿嘿地笑了。
       娘临走前,我照列叮嘱她注意安全,娘哦哦地应着。送走娘,我又扎进了高考前最后的复习中。第二天,我正在上课,婶婶匆匆地赶来学校,让老师将我喊出教室。婶婶问我娘送菜来没有,我说送了,她昨天就回去了。婶婶说:“没有,她到现在还没回家。”我心一紧,娘该不会走错道吧?可这条路她走了三年,照理不会错啊。婶婶问:“你娘没说什么?”我说没有,她给我带了十几个野鲜桃哩。婶婶两手一拍:“坏了坏了,可能就坏在这野鲜桃上。”婶婶问我请了假,我们沿着山路往回找,回家的路上确有几棵野桃树,桃树上稀稀拉拉地挂着几个桃子,因为长在峭壁上才得以保存下来。我们同时发现一棵桃树有枝丫折断的痕迹,树下是百丈深渊。婶婶看了看我说,“我们到峭壁底下去看看吧!”我说,“婶婶你别吓我……”婶婶不由分说,拉着我就往山谷里走……
      娘静静地躺在谷底,周边是一些散落的桃子,她手里还紧紧攥着一个,身上的血早就凝固成了沉重的黑色。我悲痛得五脏俱裂,紧紧地抱住娘,说:“娘啊,我的苦命娘啊,儿悔不该说这桃子甜啊,是儿子要了你的命……娘啊,您活着没享一天福啊……”我将头贴在娘冰凉的脸上,哭得漫山遍野的石头都陪着我落泪……
      2003年8月7日,在娘下葬后的第100天,湖北大学烫金的录取通知书穿过娘所走过的路,穿过那几株野桃树,穿过村前的稻场,径直“飞”进了我的家门。我把这份迟到的书信插在娘冷寂的坟头:“娘,儿出息了,您听到了吗?您可以含笑九泉了!”

2006年01月12日


何故
昨曰暮
偶遇见她
把纤纤玉手
交那衰人牵住
盈盈笑语左右顾
神采飞扬凌波微步
美眸中一片深情倾注
似前年与我同在湖畔路
也这般附耳交顾低语倾诉
如今见我头也不点形同陌路
我发现自己旧情难忘六神无主
两眼痴呆双脚生根心内如被汤煮
像我这么优秀的男子她总嫌我老土
那土鳖相貌恶心行止猥琐她爱他粗鲁
女孩子搞不清她想什么我越琢磨越胡涂
明知道她与自己不合适想忘记她另起灶炉
到头来都只能是剪不断理还乱最终于事无补
兄弟我长这么大从来没怕过谁却栽给了这个主
看来是上辈子欠她很多钱早知如此就不该和她堵
碰上她算我倒霉下次说什么也得找个温柔姑娘相处
总算明白这世上漂亮不能当饭吃往往还让你难堪重负
从现在起踏踏实实勤勤恳恳谦虚谨慎待人有礼爱护公物
切记过马路左右看要走人行斑马线要想富少生孩子多种树
化悲痛为力量一边努力学习一边时刻准备着开发祖国大西部
大丈夫何患无妻没有了妳虽然孤独但也使我从此不再一叶障目
这也使我好好反思为什么会失败总结经验教训继续探索革命道路
我会遇上好姑娘没命地追她想她爱她决不放过她不管她属虎还属兔

回帖如下:

这个有志青年是个好同志失恋了不失魂落魄自暴自弃颇有男儿气度
他虽然遭遇了现代女陈世美被无情拋弃但没有怪命也不埋怨====
反而擦亮眼睛激发斗志将其丑恶行径卑鄙嘴脸进行了深刻揭露
再次论证了阶级斗争将会在一定范围内长期存在的精辟论述
展望了初级阶段革命尚未成功同志仍需努力这条基本道路
尤其难能可贵的是该同志认真反省自己并触动灵魂深处
认识到过去在湖畔漫步是小资产阶级情调的严重错误
险些为漂亮的外表所迷惑中了糖衣炮弹的惯用招数
理论联系实际痛定思痛如梦方醒才知道差点迷途
漂亮不能当饭吃漂亮不是本质不是革命的全部
语言虽然通俗但体现了有志青年的朴实感悟
批评与自我批评言辞感人真可谓发自肺腑
并萌发修身齐家治国平天下的远大抱负
体现了由此及彼由表及里的思想反复
像他这么优秀的青年怎么能说他土
自然是徒具外表的女人有眼无珠
天涯何处无芳草佳丽不问出处
好马不吃回头草旧情勿枉顾
兔子不吃窝边草以为三窟
百步之内必有芳草无数
也许有天她变成弃妇
才会想起你的好处
再回来找你倾诉
一切已经太晚
你也有今天
一屑不顾
不理她
扮帅

很感动很感动的一片很长很长的文章,做好准备,开始咯!

我不行了,看完这篇文章,我很难过很想哭的。我真的再也找不出任何一个乐队可以和negative 相媲美的了。也许很多人比jonne 唱得好,可是是他的人格魅力吸引我。让我这么这么喜欢这支乐队。慢慢看着文章!好好的咀嚼!
对了,jonne需要当兵吗?我highlight 了前半部分我喜欢的句子


"Jonne Aaron’s and Tommi’s road from children’s home to the top:

"We’re living our dream to true."

Leader figure of Negative’s, Jonne Aaron, and his big brother’s, manager Tommi Liimatainen, way to the stars have been rocky road. Brothers have struggled to the top from hard circumstances. Youngsters that have grown up in children’s home tell their unbelievable story because they want to cast faith to other young people. There is always hope."


"A white car is winding up on the road to Pispala. The Driver is
Tommi Liimatainen, 27-year-old loving big brother, who has given up his own dreams for his brother’s sake, for now.

The car bends on the courtyard of the big, red industry building. From backseat of the car gets out of the idol of girls,
Jonne Aaron, 21-year-old little brother, whose great dream is to see his big brother to marry someday!

Behind the steel door there’s a sacred place: we have arrived to the rehearsal place of Negative that is allowed only for few and only.

Tommi and Jonne Liimatainen have reached something that many youngsters dream about: fame and success. The road to those dreams have been as winding as the road to the rehearsal place."

"Chaos and despair"

Let’s go back in time, approximately ten years. There’s a parents night at Jonne’s school where they make Christmas decorations. Tommi arrives there with little brother Ville who he’s thrusting in go-cart.

Outsider could’ve seen a family idyl in there: big and little brother have come to help with decorations. The truth is different. Tommi has gone to there because parents were unable to attend.

The situation is not unusual to them. There’s a family living in Lielahti of Tampere, where the oldest of brothers,
Tommi, six years older than Jonne, has got to taken the role of the parent. Alcohol has slightly taken the place of the sixth member of family.
TOMMI 好伟大

Weekday is restless, unstable and chaotic.
Even today Tommi remembers the fear of that what might happen if you let yourself to breath. He recalls the insecurity of next day and anxiety for the lives of his beloved little brothers.

Jonne looks his brother and nods quietly:

- The truth is that Tommi took care of me and Ville. He carried the responsibility of our lives when needed. That kind of responsibility should not be part of someone’s life who’s still a kid himself. But Tommi organized everything, starting from bill paying.

Jonne admits that big brother was the authority to him. He represented everything Jonne wanted to be. Even sport hobby were started under influence of big brother.

-
Tommi’s authority was visible in there that I was afraid of him.这点我相信
I remember time when I was 12 and smoking cigarettes, trying snuff and wandering around long haired through the nights on weekends, even though a kid in that age should be watching He-Man and sleeping at home."

"Big brother gives a laugh and mentions that he tried six years earlier if there were any point to do those bad things. Tommi considers it to be lucky case that friends were from so called healthy families. Those times he saw glimpses of normal family life.

- I tried to take care of my brothers the way that they didn’t need to suffer all that I had experienced. No one was there to guide me. I had to learn everything through the hard way. I’ve wanted to show my little brothers what’s wrong and what’s right in life. I’ve learned that if you do same mistake again, the only one you can blame is you, Tommi says.

School wasn’t always easy. Nobody was there to wake Tommi up when it was time to go to school. No one asked if he had made his homeworks.

- At that time I realised that as a child of alcoholic family, I have a change to make a choice, do I want to give up under my lot and drink cheap liquer or do I want to do my best and drink champagne with some lovely lady in the future.

Tommi chose champagne.

Even that memories from the childhood are severe, Tommi doesn’t think that parents ruined his childhood.

- In fact I got strenght from all that to revise my own fate.

- Sometimes I face situations when I do not understand other people and that’s because of my childhood. I don’t understand why people want to hurt each others. My experiences have made me sensitive romanticist who believes that even when it rains the sun will shine again."

"Bad and good company

The drinking of parents affected to the social life of the boys as well.
 

One time, when Jonne was a little boy, he came to tell me that he wasn’t allowed to go to his friend’s house because friends’ parents considered him as a bad company.这句话看得我好辛酸的说
I took it personally, Tommi recalls.

In addition to shame Tommi felt enourmous worry of his brothers daily life. Was everything alright with them? Sometimes Tommi had to borrow money from his friends to get some food for brothers.

Jonne tells that for a long time he thought that that was the only way of living. That they lived normal family life.

- After going to Rahola I realised that life can be well-balanced. That one has regular times to go home, to have meals and to go to bed.

Jonne’s and Ville’s moving to family aid center Rahola was the last chance. Parents had divorced few years earlier an brothers had stayed with their mother. Later both younger ones moved to live with their father."

"Tommi broke away from his mother quite a radical way, he left with only a carbage bag full of clothes with him. First night at own home was mentally relieving. Tommi had his best sleep ever. He realised that his brothers were allowed to have better lives too.

-Tommi phoned and said: "Tell me truthfully how the things are going there?" I tried to hide the facts: "Yeah, everything is just fine." The truth became clear when Tommi arrived to check things out, tells Jonne.

The year was 1997. The big brother started long and difficult process to get his brothers to Rahola. Terms with parents broke and school was afflicted with it. But it was worth of it.

-At first I locked myself in my room, it was so tough case to take. Then I realised that there was no other choice but stay in Rahola. That was the time when I discovered music for good. It was my espace from all that, Jonne admits.

He was ashamed to tell at school where he lived. Only best friends and a girlfriend knew. It was very important to Jonne that then girlfriend and her parents let him be what he was."又一次.我不知道该说什么 .

"Tommi still doesn’t understand his parents behaviour and he doesn’t even want to. Though he has forgiven them because hating someone is just a burden to one’s mind.

Jonne, on his half, took care of his three years younger brother, Ville. Jonne confesses that yearly responsibility has left it’s marks on him. A Child didn’t get to be a child.

Supporting pillar of childhood was grandma who lived in Kiimajärvi. She represented a mother, a sister and a grandmother to the boys. At grandma’s brothers found love and warmth. In there they felt like home.

Grandma is "the queen of the family" to the boys, so it’s natural to go to her for guide-lines of life. According to grandma, one should never give up, not necessarily even then when one’s wrong."

"In grandma’s lakeside sauna

The year is 1994. Tommi is trying to study and Jonne sits on big brother’s bed and practises silently one of the songs of Guns n’ Roses. Volume rises little by little and a row is ready between brothers. Isn’t it possible to play that guitar somewhere else?

Now all that makes brothers smile. The guitar that Jonne got from father when he was 12 changed his life. At first Tommi laughed at his brothers efforts to play the guitar.

A lot about Jonne’s hidden charisma tells that when Jonne came to sing Hotel California to Tommi and his girlfriend, then girlfriend drove Tommi out of the room. And now, brothers have accomplished something that they only dreamt about when they were younger.

-I have to admit that after I got hooked on playing the guitar, my picture of the world changed. These days it’s hard to imagine that i would do anything else. Music is my therapy.

You can’t compromise in front of your dreams. Jonne says that he has given up a lot because of music. Even studying some occupation was left second to that rock n’ roll dream.

One of Jonne’s blunders in school makes Tommi laugh.

-Once Jonne had fallen a sleep on a wheelbarrow! I took my brother’s right and tell him to get away from that school because it wasn’t working for him. After that all the relatives called me in panic that had I made him drop off the school. I said to them that life doesn’t go on for eternity. We boys are gonna rock now!" 到这里话题才比较轻松点,没有那么沉重

"The final decision of rockstar dream fulfilled in grandma’s lakeside sauna.

-I was losing my faith in all that concerning the band. There, in grandma’s sauna, Tommi nevertheless said that what if we try one more time, properly this time. Tommi promised that he’ll go to take care of me, in another words he’ll go to be a manager.

-The most important thing was to help Jonne to fill his dream, be as his support and give everything for that dream.

Who will stay on rockstar’s side

-As being responsible I have needed to give up many things that belong to so called normal life. I’m 27 years old and I’m not engaged. People must think that there’s something wrong with me, Tommi points out.

-But this lifestyle has made me a vagabond. My life is so hectic that I won’t let anybody to fall in love with me. Besides, it’s really hard to build up a relationship when you’re going fast all the time. This kind of a lifestyle demands enormous understanding from another person.

-Fortunately love has so great power that it’ll change everything you’ve planned. In my opinion, the kind of a person who can combine a successful career and a relationship, is almost a genius, ponders Tommi.

Jonne nods. Living with a rockstar isn’t ordinary. A possesive and clinging woman is not a right person to someone who, in his job, has to be an object of many people’s admiration.

-It is must that woman has her own career and independent life. I’ll choke if one is trying to tame me. Though it doesn’t mean that I’m not faithful. If the heart belongs to someone, there’s no one who can come between, says Jonne."

"In the childhood family of Tommi and Jonne they listened music from side to side. On turntable there were Kirka and Elvis, who’s the reason for Jonne’s second name. Father was gig musician who played drums in Berit’s ensemble. Musicality was inherited; Ville also has his own band. Though Tommi never learned to play the guitar even if he tried.

- Thinking it afterwards, I guess I’ve had something against the world of music. Maybe because of our old man, I got the idea that all musicians are drinkers.

According to Jonne, around the Bohemian circle, there’s vibe that all the people on the field uses some kind of a intoxicant. When it comes to Negative, they have such a thirst to be successful that alcohol can’t be a problem.

- This is our job. You can’t be wasted when going to work.

Year 1997 was the magical course of change for Jonne. It was then when he went to Rahola and founded Negative. He channeled his bad feelings to song writing. Experiences subconsciously came undone through beautiful and emotional love songs.

- Many has come to wonder how bloke in his 20’s can sing about things like those, that aren’t they too sugary. I’ve told them that songs are from the real world. We didn’t have caviar and donuts within our Christmas feast, says Tommi.

Jonne admits that he has been given a gift for writing touching songs. Through music he found sensitivity inside himself.

Tommi starts to hum Jonne’s first song ever written, God Likes Your Style. Manager wonders if it should be recorded someday. Then he becomes serious and remembers the beginning of Negative.

- It was my job to arrange a gig in school of Tesoma but nobody wanted the boys on stage. No one was interested in band called Negative! I fixed all the permissions, snacks and everything by myself. Tickets cost 20 marks and there were 250 payers.

Jonne laughs that even now he has left this settlement where Tommi has marked down all the expenses. Warm memories also arouses from the moment when passer-by told the boys who were playing in the cellar, that they got good goings-on there, go and make a record, guys! In times like those, words like that can carry you through a week."

Touch of destiny

There’s always persons behind the succesful band who have given thousands of working hours for a dream.

- When I started to sell this band, there were always the same message: ‘no, no, no and once again no’. I have to wonder the pattern of getting the record deal. Even if you went in person to hand the demo and call thousand times afterwards, it won’t give you a deal. Even going there and playing an acoustic set won’t help. Negative got the deal only because we didn’t give up. We just wouldn’t let go of the dream, Tommi admits.

Many times fate has it’s twists of plot. In the end the record deal came by accident. Boys were going to record EP with their own expense with Javi-records when representative of GBFam, present-day record company, happened to be in the studio. He saw so much potential that he offered them a contract for full album.

Tommi laughs when he remembers the first contact with Jake Rouhiainen, the director of the record company.

- Jake called and I hanged up to him. On that time I didn’t anymore have faith that something could actually happen. I thought it was a trick call. Thankfully Jake phoned again.

Jonne believes that destiny had her place in the game. If Negative had gotten a deal with some big company, things would be different. Humility still exists because success didn’t come easily.


Jonne will always recall how it felt to hear own song The Moment of Our Love on the radio for the very first time.

- I was in Helsinki, in the lobby of hotel called Simonkenttä. I shouted to the officer to turn up the volume. There I cheered in the middle of the hall. One should never forget that feeling, says Tommi.
All tracks open

It’s been one and a half years from that moment. In the autumn of 2002 Negative signed the record deal with a help of Tommi. The band has hit it in Finland and Japan. In their backpocket they also have a contract for worldwide distribution that can bring them millions.

- You don’t do this for money. The urge to show has been the one that’s been pushing me ahead. We’re working class guys here to fulfil our dream.

Three times Tommi has felt special pride of his achievements. The first was when the boys of the band thanked him, the second when he arranged the first gig and the third when he got through special notions on the record contract.

But life has taught the big brother to be noble.

- I remember when I heard on Auran Aallot (radio station) that Negative won Levyraati (popular tv-show that plays music videos and people can vote for them) and left all others behind. I sat in the car and wept for half an hour. The second time when I was proud of Jonne was in Japan. I went to the crowd because I wanted to see the boys to walk on the stage. I went far behind, so they couldn’t see me, ’cause I just couldn’t stop crying for joy.

- Tears were just falling from my eyes. Everything were so bright and beautiful. There were more public than ever and they were there to see Negative.


Happiness of lifetime

Shared path towards the dream has made brothers more close to each other. In these days Jonne too has taught a lot to his big brother. Jonne confesses that it’s been strange when big brother has asked for advice.

- Jonne knows more about pure things in life than any other person I know. He got emotional intelligence and is a kind a person who pays regards to others. He’s more capable to put himself in other’s shoes. He’s worked with children and unselfishness like in child is channelled throught Jonne as grown up kind of wisdom, Tommi admits.

Talking about kids makes Jonne laugh. Sometime ago he did practical training in kindergarten for a two years. Besides the memories from there, he also got a funny present, alarming clock. In memories there’s time in Rahola too.

It’s was wonderful to Jonne to notice that people like the staff of children’s home promotes him. They are the real pillars of support.

- Anyhow, the most important people in my life are my brothers Tommi and Ville. One of my big wishes is that both of them could be happy in every part of their lives.

Jonne reminds that he wants to be the bestman when Tommi is going to marry.

- I hope that will happen someday but at the moment I want to be fulfilling Jonne’s dream. Time for mine will come later.

- I’ll never forget the moment when in grandma’s lakeside sauna I let rock in me and because of that I got more beautiful life than I could’ve ever imagined, says Jonne Aaron."