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Why Should Men Pay for Dinner on a Date?

You are on a dinner date with a guy that a close friend introduced to you at a nice and cozy restaurant. You two talk all the time and you find out that you have a lot in common. He seems to be your type – smart, humorous and easy-going. You think you two can use a second date.

You have just finished dinner and it is time to leave the restaurant because he suggests that you two see a movie after this.

Now you shouldn’t worry about getting the bill because the guy is definitely going to pick up the tab.

This guy-paying-for-dinner thing is typical everywhere on the surface of this planet.  Most men want to pay and be “the man” just to impress the ladies.  However, after I gave it a little thought, there are others reasons that women, even the most independent women prefer their date to pay for dinner.

1. Guys paying ups the romance

Think about how much hours the girl spent on her make-up, hair and outfit. Look at the dim glow of the candles and the scrumptious food. Hear the violin music in the background and feel the attractive smile of the woman sitting right in front of you. It is a romantic evening during which guys don’t expect any step to go wrong.  They want to make it a full experience.

But money can be a big spoiler of the night. Talking about the bill may just shatter what you have been trying to build up. It is definitely a natural solution for guys to pay without letting the money issue ruin the night. For a smart guy, paying the bill should not even be noticed by the woman.

2. Going against the social protocol is not worth the risk

There is an abiding social rule with first dates - a man is actually entitled to contributing towards the bill by a woman on a first date. This paying privilege comes from the pre-condition that the woman likes the guy.  In other words, the man should feel lucky to be able to pay for the dinner.

If you think it is unfair, just imagine that if the woman insists on paying the entire bill or splitting the bill, the man may feel that she is not interested in him and she just wants to end up being friends.  On the other hand, letting the man pay sends a signal that she’d like a second date. So if the woman really likes the man but she still offers to pick up the tab, this may send a wrong message to the man that she is not really into him. It is too risky to go against the social expectations about the financial aspects of dating.

3. Feminine independence vs. the old-fashioned social protocol 

I have been raised by my parents to be an independent girl. While some girls may take it for granted that they deserve to be treated to dinner, to be honest, I don’t usually feel very comfortable with male friends treating me. The social status of women in China has changed so radically since the mid-20th century that most modern women can support themselves financially. Women in China don’t necessarily have to settle on marriage to a man simply because of financial reasons like women in other Asian countries such as Japan and Korea.  Chinese women have a career and are fully able to function as independent and responsible human beings.

However, can this sense of feminine independence be strong enough to override the social etiquette? I am not an extreme feminist so I have no problem in obeying the male-dominated order of the society. But following the social rules does not mean you need to become one part of the system. You just climb up the staircases like the others do and pursue a future of your own choosing right after you enter the door. You should be free to pick and choose the man that you truly love and want to marry for no other reason except love.

Word Bank:

  1. cozy (adj) warm, comfortable and making you feel relaxed
  2. to pick up the tab (phrase) to pay the bill
  3. outfit (n) a set of clothes that are worn together especially for a special occasion or activity
  4. scrumptious (adj) of food, tasting good
  5. spoiler (n) something that is produced to compete with something else and make it less successful
  6. abiding (adj) an abiding feeling, rule, or belief is one that you have had for a long time and that is not likely to change
  7. protocol  /ˈprəʊtəkɒl/ (n) the system of rules and acceptable behavior used at official ceremonies and occasions
  8. to split the bill (phrase) to go Dutch
  9. to insist on doing sth. (phrase) to say very firmly that something must happen or must be done
  10. to override (v) to be much more important than something else
  11. etiquette  /`etiket/ (n) a set of rules for behaving correctly in social situations

Who own the world at last, men or women?

This argument came across my mind during a random post-lunch chat with some colleagues this noon:

Eventually it is (pretty) women who get the fortune of the entire world.

Let me explain the steps that led to this conclusion:

Step 1: Most of the time women outlive men.

Reasons: women have a lot of biological and social advantages compared with men, e.g, women do not like to consume a lot of energy at 1 time; female bodies can reserve more energy than male bodies; women eat more vegetables and fruits than men who live on a monotonous diet of meats and starch; women pay more attention to their health conditions and they like to talk about them; women release stress and bad emotions easily by crying and confiding their worries to their friends, but men do not tend to do the same because it is against the social norms that men are “big men” who do not show any weaknesses to others…

Step 2: The above rule also applies to rich men.

Despite that rich men can enjoy extremely good health care and medical services, they die prior to their wives do due to that men’s  biological decline happens much earlier than it happens to their wives.

Step 3: What’s even worse, most rich men (old or young) like to marry pretty women that are (much) younger than them. And about 85% of the fortune of the world is owned by about 15% of the polulation, the wealthy men, according to the famous 15% rule.

This means the gap between the life span of the wealthy husbands and that of their younger wives would be bigger than the average gap between the average life span of less wealthy men and that of their wives.

Step 4: These younger wives of the dead rich men get most of the heritage left by their rich husbands. The wives of less rich men or average men also get the heritage from their less rich husbands across the globe.

Step 5: Eventually women (espeically attractive women) get most of the world’s fortune by means of marriage.

A furthur conclusion:

Men make money for women to spend. The world is seemingly controlled by men but eventually it is owned by women. Wahahaha!

Why Do Women Shop More Often Than Men Do?

This essay was published on Issue No.7 of Huizhi – an Accenture Greater China Employee Newsletter. Copyright fully reserved.

WOMEN will spend more than 8 years averagely in shopping according to a recent study conducted by GE Money! One of the possible reasons that shopping is mostly done by women is NOT because women like to indulge themselves into making choices among colors, styles, sizes and smells, but that men in the house DO NOT shop!

Dealing with over 8 years of shopping experience (retail experience to be more exact) that should commence at an age of a girl,  most women are trying to develop great retail skills out of just grabbing their targets and going away. Women should treat these 8 years with real delicacy in the way of carrying on a second profession in their life. This can be an art for men to learn in years! Men are not likely to shop around to get the best price. They never comprehend why a on-sale message from your favorite mall would infuse you and you would be on your way to the mall in the next 15 minutes however exhausted you are. They seldom know where to get great deals of the last season or year at discount stores. They never understand why a great deal – buying a cup with 5 yuan off would throw women into ecstasy!

Women relate their shopping experience with an array of aspects that might be meaningless to men, such as how they like the way the sales clerks address them, the decoration in the mall and even how a brand tag is attached to an item: whether it’s sealed on the clothes or just strung with a fine nylon! This could be the reason why men tend to enjoy shopping experience much more than women do. They are not susceptible to these subtleties nor they choose to be just for convenience.

It is very common to find in China that a new wife who usually buy things for her family at high prices would be called a wasteful wife by her parents-in-law and a prediction that she is likely to squander the money of the family some time in the future would be made against her automatically.  She could get some credits off the record of being a good wife and a future mother immediately if she does not know how to improve. Stereotypes in China or almost every other country help men to rid the inconvenience of shopping around and women have to go out and do more shopping than their boyfriends or husbands do.

But women are in luck that we actually FEEL happy in simply keeping ourselves fed and clothed with our own careful choices. As a woman, I know how strong the sense of achievement emanated from shopping is, which could drive us further than 8 years. It is said that the habit of collecting berries and roots had been coded in women’s genes since ancient times when modern human beings (homo sapiens) lived on the planet several hundred thousand years ago. Female homo sapiens brought tubers, fruits and vegetables in all colors with all kinds of odors and tastes back to their houses  (or should I say caves?) while the male just brought some plain dead meat which looks and tastes not too differently! Just imagine that and you can realize why women are genetically able to sense so many variations and choose from them.

Why do women shop more often than men do? This is a question for men basically. For a woman, why not feel great when you know there are a lot of good deals out there waiting for you?