2004年12月05日














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http://tech.tom.com  2004年11月24日 09:38来源:北京青年报



  2004年11月13日,关于盛大未来5年网络游戏战略的绝密会议刚刚结束,31岁的陈天桥终于可以静下来,慢慢地吃一顿刚刚送来的外卖。他主持的高密度战略会议紧锣密鼓地持续了12个小时。


  用5年时间,一路狂奔到中国财富榜前列的陈天桥,正处于他自己也没有料到的巅峰时刻。在资本飞速增值的时代,多少在传统行业艰难进行着原始积累的老一代富豪,对此无法理解而瞠目结舌。在毫不允许懈怠的竞争年代,陈一次次地舞弄着资本的手臂,向那个让人觉得有些狂妄的想法——“网上迪斯尼”,一点点地迈进。


  第一次坐上老板椅“突然有点惶恐”


  “盛大网络今年9月就完成了全年的目标,现在考虑的当然是如何在未来先走一步。而未来竞争的焦点,就是如何打进中国人的客厅……”谈起工作,年轻却老练的陈天桥轻车熟路。


  5年前他开始创建盛大的雏形时,办公地点只是简陋的三室一厅。在中国的。COM还是一片贫瘠的时代,陈天桥以社区游戏为主业,建立了一个虚拟社区。虚拟社区短短数月便拥有了100万左右的注册用户,由此获得了中华网300万美元的风险投资。从此,每发展一步,盛大的办公环境就脱胎换骨,直到现在盛大的财富令人侧目。陈天桥说,在搬到紫金山大酒店的办公楼里(第2个办公地),他第一次拥有了一间独立的屋子,一张老板椅,而“一瞬之间他突然变得有点惶恐”,因为从此之后,他意识到就要担负起一种领导的责任。这使年轻的陈天桥第一次感到了压力。


  融资压力太大至今心脏不好


  进入网游,这个当初大胆冒险的行为,使陈天桥遭遇了中华网的突然撤资,但是却使陈天桥赢得了前所未有的成功。2001年开春,韩国Actoz公司老板怀揣《传奇》游戏到中国寻找网络运营商,与陈天桥一拍即合,盛大以30万美金的价格购下《传奇》在中国的独家代理权。但是正当一切顺利得使人难以置信的阶段,他远远没有想到,韩国Actoz的源代码泄露,“私服事件”使Actoz和盛大对簿公堂,关于盛大的负面报道在整个纸媒体和网络媒体里流传,几乎到达了惨不忍睹的状态。


  就在此时,陈天桥对外界的回应很少,但是却出其不意地赢得了软银4000万美元的注资。2002年,记者曾在上海盛大软银注资新闻发布会上,看到了当时年仅29岁的陈天桥,当时连他自己都说,“是在口诛笔伐中得到注资的”。


  2002年几乎是盛大最难受的一年,但陈天桥还是赢得了这场战役,自主研发的《传奇世界》终于使这个年轻人有了在网络世界称霸的足够的资本,从此盛大走上了平稳发展的道路。当然,赢得这场战役并不轻松,陈天桥说,现在还经常心脏不好,是当时压力大的结果,而且当时也经常失眠,甚至出冷汗。


  随着重重危机的度过,今年盛大网络在纳斯达克龙门一跃,真正使盛大坐拥百亿财富。盛大的股价节节攀升,使盛大不仅在网络业遥遥领先,也使陈天桥频频出现在各种富豪榜单的夺目之处。“现在,我们的规模是新浪+搜狐!”相对于头衔,陈天桥更关注财富的实际效果。


  今年8月,盛大网络(股票代码:SNDA)首次公布财报之后,股价一路攀升至21.22美元,此时盛大市值已达14.8亿美元,成为纳斯达克市值最高的中国概念网络股。与此同时,盛大也超越了韩国网络游戏公司NCSOFT的市值,成为全球最大的网络游戏股。盛大创始人陈天桥掌握的股票市值达到了约11.1亿美元,以90亿元人民币的身家超过了丁磊,成为新的中国首富。而10月13日,盛大在NASDAQ的最新股价,已经到了28.53美元,这样陈天桥所拥有的股票市值已经超过120亿人民币。而盛大上市之时,陈天桥已经套现了超过10亿人民币的现金。由此推算,陈天桥的身家应超过105亿元。


  网络游戏能打进中国人的客厅?


  正在首富之称在媒体上不停浮现的时候,陈天桥又在纳斯达克发行1.5亿美元的债券。除了上市,盛大今年依然在不停顿地收购,频度之大使外界眼花缭乱。有人甚至说,“盛大真的是疯了吗,什么都买,盛大真是有钱烧的?”对于这样的疑问,陈天桥又是沉默作答。


  但是11月13日的这个傍晚,陈天桥放松地说,“这下我终于可以说了,所有的收购都是为了下一步的计划,打开中国人的客厅的计划。”这是陈天桥第一次对外界描绘盛大的5年周密计划。


  “将来,我们的计划是所有的网络游戏都能在电视上玩,这就是将来的客厅计划。如果网络游戏进入了客厅,那么中国市场容量之大,难以想象。”陈天桥对记者说。而正是为了这个目标,盛大一直在几个方面做周密的准备。而今年所有的收购都只是这副牌局的某一个棋子。这局棋则分几步走。


  首先,陈天桥暗自在网络游戏的内容上做准备,除了两年前引进了疯狂坦克和泡泡糖以外,今年还收购了边锋公司,而边锋在网民中的影响力是巨大的,这个以休闲棋牌类游戏为主的网站在全国同类网站中排名第三,而休闲棋牌类游戏在中国具有深厚的群众基础,市场潜力巨大。从韩国市场来看,这一市场的潜力要远远大于大型网络游戏。而这是将棋牌等休闲游戏引入客厅的一步棋。而今年10月,盛大公司又收购了原创娱乐文学门户网站———起点中文网,这个收购又让外界觉得匪夷所思,而陈天桥的设想是,将其与电视相连后,在厨房烧菜,都可以听到网络上好听的娱乐小说。


  而早在两年前,盛大开始了与英特尔的“亲密接触”,并一直进行着沟通与磋商,今年6月,双方在沪签署了谅解备忘录,宣布将携手促进与数字家庭相关的软件开发工作,共同为快速兴起的网上行业开发下一代互动娱乐解决方案。紧接着,盛大又与全球知名的ADSL宽带网络设备提供商上海贝尔阿尔卡特签订了谅解备忘录。


  “盛大未来5年,每年要比上一年涨100%,那么规模将是现在的好多倍。网上迪斯尼真的不切实际吗?”一个定位于互联网的互动娱乐媒体帝国才是陈天桥的真正目标。

 

2004年12月04日

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中国网民数已达8700万 仍居世界第二位

网易科技报道



  7月20日,中国互联网络信息中心(CNNIC)在京发布了“第十四次中国互联网络发展状况统计报告”。报告显示,截止到2004年6月30日,我国上网用户总数为8700万,比去年同期增长27.9%,上网计算机达到3630万台。网络国际出口带宽增长飞速,总数达到53.9G,比去年同期增长190.3%.CN下注册的域名数、网站数分别达到38万和62.7万。报告中主要数据说明,前十年的发展取得丰硕成果,我国互联网事业正在持续快速的发展,并在普及应用上进入崭新的多元化应用阶段!互联网的影响正逐步渗透到人们生产、生活、工作、学习的各个角落。

  报告显示,用户使用电子银行在网上直接付款比例增加,超过货到付款方式13个百分点,达到37.9%.人们网络购物需求进一步扩大,未来一年内,打算进行网上购物的用户比例为58%.这些充分表明,互联网经过了10年的发展,不仅互联网本身拥有极大的使用价值,而且互联网还为其它传统行业的发展提供了新的工具和途径,一些传统行业得以创造出许多以前很难实现的服务和价值。例如网上炒股炒汇、网站短信服务、QQ等即时通讯工具都在中国蓬勃发展并为相关企业带来了巨大经济效益。

  截止到2004年6月30日,我国WWW网站数量达到62.7万,比去年同期增长32.2%.在其地域分布上,依然主要集中在华北、华东、华南,占到84%,东北、西南、西北网站比例有所增加。这说明,我国互联网整体上虽然呈较快增长态势,但地区之间互联网发展水平、普及水平依然存在明显差距,并呈现东部快、西部慢,城市快、乡村慢的特点,这和各地区的经济发达程度相一致。

  在互联网服务业务方面:搜索引擎、网络教育、网上银行、在线交易、网络广告、网络新闻、网上视频服务、收费邮件服务、短信服务、网上招聘、网络资讯服务、网络游戏等服务业务快速发展,并被更多用户信赖、接受和使用。同时,我国宽带互联网用户数量增长到3110万,比去年年底增加1370万,半年增长率高达78.7%.这些利好消息都充分显示出我国互联网市场的巨大潜力。

  中国互联网络信息中心(CNNIC)信息服务部副主任的王恩海表示,此次报告正逢中国互联网发展十周年之际,调查得到的数据、信息很好地说明了这十年以来的产业状况和发展历程,今年的突出变化是中国宽带用户、网络国际出口带宽的飞速增长,上网方式、途径以及网络应用服务更加多元化发展。这说明人们对互联网的使用广度、信用度、依赖度正在逐步提高,随着随时随地互连互通的实现和网络道路的扩宽,市场呼唤更多精彩内容和服务,

  中国互联网正走向多元化应用的阶段。

2004年12月03日

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ChinaByte
文/编译 一笔堂

  12月2日消息 据美联社报道,为了能获得更多的互联网用户,保住霸主的地位,微软宣布向大众提供博客空间。

  MSN Spaces于周四以测试形式发布,用户不需很高的技巧就能发布网络日志。它锁定的是那些希望能分享假期照片、文本日志或喜爱歌曲的家庭用户。

  这项服务对所有拥有Hotmail邮件或MSN Messenger帐户的人都是免费的。而MSN Spaces则通过广告来维持运转。

  微软早前就已经向用户提供MSN Groups供他们创建自己的网站,但这次是微软首次重点关注日益壮大的博客用户。

  微软在很多技术上都有所滞后,如搜索等,但分析家指出,虽然微软在博客服务上仍追随Google和AOL,可现在并不算晚,因为博客才刚刚开始在主流用户中流行。

  微软还将MSN Spaces与Messenger及Hotmail服务连系起来,以保证用户在网上交流时能在不同的微软产品中切换。

  比如,用户可以设定,当他们发布了新的日志时,MSN上的朋友能得到提示。博客们还能为挑选过的朋友或家人开通访问权限,但其他的访客就需要使用微软的“Passport”才能登陆。最方便的方法就是注册Hotmail或MSN Messenger。

  用户还能通过网站升级MSN Spaces,或通过e-mail与手机来远程升级。

  微软还在MSN Spaces上提供音乐售卖的服务,加速与苹果及Google的竞争。一个工具可以让用户创建最喜爱的歌曲列表,然后将在列表上自动添加微软MSN Music站点的链接,微软希望能借此开展在线售卖音乐的生意。

  MSN Spaces将与明年6月推出正式的版本

 

2004年12月02日

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国内头号网络游戏运营商盛大网络,正在极力缓和与网吧渠道的紧张关系。

  昨日,业界指称国内网吧正在自发酝酿一场抵制盛大游戏的运动。在网站上流传的一篇《抵制盛大游戏的宣言》称:“网吧老板和陈天桥的盛大游戏本是唇齿相依的关系,但通过几年的不平等合作关系,网吧老板成就了陈天桥一度成为大陆首富,而盛大游戏的所有负作用,却全部转嫁给了网吧老板承担。”


  据称,在第二届中国国际网络文化博览会上,网吧老板的责问让台上的陈天桥处于尴尬境地。其后,国内一部分网吧便炮制了这篇宣言,称“当初网络游戏很少,网吧老板们没有可选择的余地,现在众多游戏开发商蜂拥而上,可供网吧老板选择的网络游戏呈几何级攀升。不推介或者全部删除盛大游戏,网吧老板的损失都可以忽略不计。网吧老板才是游戏运营商的衣食父母。”


  记者昨日了解到,盛大已开始了“网吧公关行动”,首先推出了一个全国范围内的“盛大冬季网管关怀计划”,企图从帮助提升技术的角度来安抚网吧渠道,不过目前盛大尚未就是否与国内网吧渠道建立新的分成方式给出公开说法。

广告: 欢迎到我的个人网站-网事部落-做客,如果觉得文章还不错的话,请到我的网站注册个用户帮我增加人气,如果觉得网站还不错的话,欢迎常来。






 
ChinaByte
2004-12-1 14:28:00 文/张樊 
 


  有报道,世界著名的搜索引擎Google中国域名(www.google.com.cn和google.cn)被人抢注,拥有者称其为合法拥有。现在访问google.com.cn,被重定向到网址post.com.tv/phpBB2/,一个名为“Google创可贴”的论坛.该网站的所有者联动在线的有关人士表示,“公司拥有这个域名(www.google.com.cn)已经两年了,以前google和公司关于此域名还交涉过,最后判定联动合法拥有此域名。目前,http://post.com.tv/phpBB2/和(www.google.com.cn)这两个网址我们都合法拥有”。联动公司真的合法拥有google国内域名吗?该公司有关人士所表示的判定是谁判定的呢?


  笔者登陆了google.com.cn所转链的那个名叫“Google创可贴”的网站,发现这只是一个内容上并不特别的普通论坛。查阅其“经营性网站备案登记信息”,该网站是2004年5月29日在红盾315做了备案登记。我们发现这个网站的拥有者是那家在国内域名史扮演着殉道者的抢注了众多国外著名商标的中国域名,在10多场域名纠纷中无一例外败北的“北京国网信息有限责任公司”。当然我们不能因为它有着这段历史而认定对google的国内域名也是抢注。


  google公司是“Google”商标的持有者,以其商标来对抗google的中国域名,国网公司认定其合法持有,为时过早。目前只是google还没有腾出身来收回与其权利相关的域名,这个工作也有个时间先后的问题。今年7月,Google在挪威打赢了域名官司,收回了 google.no。国网公司要想确保对google.com.cn的所有权,必须找到法律依据。从中国法律出发,国网获得法律支持的可能性不大,仍然属于抢注之列。


  目前我国审判域名纠纷的直接法律依据是2001年6月26日最高人民法院发布的《关于审理涉及计算机网络域名民事纠纷案件适用法律若干问题的解释》。从这个司法解释出发,域名抢注的构成条件为:一是原告请求保护的民事权益合法有效。二是被告域名或其主要部分构成对原告驰名商标的复制、模仿、翻译或音译;或者与原告的注册商标、域名等相同或近似,足以造成相关公众的误认。三是被告无注册、使用的正当理由。四是被告具有恶意。是不是域名的抢注,问题的关键是要证明国网公司的注册是不是有恶意。


  在最高人民法院的司法解释中,恶意列举了五种情形。国网公司从目前形势来看,符合第四种“注册域名后自己并不使用也未准备使用,而有意阻止权利人注册该域名的”。国网公司没有用它来混淆、不正当竞争获取商业利益,也没有想以高价转让获利。但它对域名不使用也未准备使用,有意阻止google获得该域名,也构成了恶意。国网公司把google.com.cn随意链接到一个网站上,这种行为不能够认定为使用。


  美国在线曾争议中国万网所持有的“icq.com.cn”域名败诉。问题的关键在于万网是在98年就注册该域名,而美国在线2000年才在中国注册icq这个商标。由于美国在线不能提供充分证据证明其在争议域名注册时对icq名称享有民事权益,从而失败。对于google.com.cn这个域名,经查询,国网公司注册google.com.cn的时间是在1999年12月3日,而google公司设立是在1997年,1999年9月6日向中国商标局申请注册google这个商标,2000年11月7日获得注册。也就是说在国网公司注册该域名之时,google已经被向中国商标局申请注册商标,尽管当时还没有获得批准,域名注册时google公司已经能够证明其对google名称享有民事权益,有权获得与之相关的域名。


  看来,如果google拿起法律武器,国网公司又将祸多吉少,难逃交出“google.com.cn和google.cn”这两个域名的命运!
 

2004年12月01日

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广告: 欢迎到我的个人网站-网事部落-做客,如果觉得文章还不错的话,请到我的网站注册个用户帮我增加人气,如果觉得网站还不错的话,欢迎常来。


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作者:高伟 来源:中国电脑教育报 加入时间:2004-11-18  

  Google能做些什么?许多人看过这个问题肯定会回答:作为一个强大的搜索引擎,当然是进行网络搜索的一把利器了。目前Google又将搜索的范围再度扩大,它除了能进行普通的网络搜索外,还推出了一个新型桌面搜索工具的初级版本,用户可以通过一款名为“Google Desktop”的软件去搜索本地计算机硬盘中的信息,从而将桌面搜索同网络搜索集成在一起。

  进入http://desktop.Google.com这个主页下载名为“Google Desktop”的软件,该程序的安装过程非常简单。不过它只能安装在系统所在分区中,并且要求系统分区至少有1GB的剩余空间,否则便会出现提示无法安装的警示框。不要担心它会真正占用1GB的空间,其实只是占用了不到2MB的空间而已。

  安装后便会自动建立一个文件索引,双击生成桌面上的快捷方式,即可调用程序生成在本机上的网页,在浏览器中打开搜索页面。在搜索文本框中输入搜索关键词,单击“Search Desktop”按钮,则可以搜索本机硬盘中的信息,而点击“Search the Web”按钮,便可直接连接到互联网去进行搜索。

  点击搜索页面上的“Desktop Preferences”链接,就能进入它的设置页面(图1),通过在该页面中勾选“Outlook”、“Outlook Express”、“AOL IM”、“Word”、“Excel”、“PowerPoint”、“Text and other”、“Web history”、“Include secure pages (HTTPS) in Web history”这些选项,即可对它们存放在本地硬盘中的信息内容进行搜索,比如邮件信息、美国在线的聊天内容、曾访问过的网站、微软Office和文本文件中的信息等。当然还可以在“Don’t Search These Items”栏目中输入本地路径以限制对该处进行搜索。





  经笔者测试,Google Desktop”的搜索速度非常快捷,而打开搜索结果的方法完全与Google一样,只需点击结果中的链接便可看到详细内容(图2)。但是它并不支持利用中文关键词对本地进行信息搜索;对于搜索结果快照中Word文件里的汉字能正常显示,却无法显示快照中TXT文件里的汉字,这多少令人感到遗憾。不过笔者坚信,Google一定会逐步完善这些功能,从而增加自己与微软等竞争对手争夺搜索市场的砝码,去争夺搜索领域的王者宝座。

与上一个网站相比,这次我付出的要多得多,上一次我只花了200元就买了一个虚拟主机,和一个顶级域名,虽然还可以用,但是流量,数据库,以及访问速度都不理想,我这回有了这次的教训,我就想出一个办法,首先,找一个人气比较旺的论坛,然后我发了一个帖子,让他们把自己的论坛地址及服务商网址贴出来,然后我自己在各个时段,在教育网,在网通都作了测试,最后确定了 我的服务商,然后我花了600元买了一个非常好的虚拟主机,各项指标都是我原来的那个的10倍以上,付了钱,买了空间,把自己10余天的忙碌成果传了上去,结果是很让我欣慰的,这次的访问速度比我以前的不知道快出多少。

再说一说我网站的定位:以前那个是做it的,就是技术和业界新闻,结果发现网站内容没有人喜欢,自己也没有能力频繁更新,所以这回我虽然还是主要做论坛,但是,我的定位已经变成面对所有网民,然他们在我这里享受更好的服务,我甚至可以根据他们的要求调整我网站的结构,我的网站目前的结构如下
一个文章站,由我自己每天更新一些文章,文学类的(成功学,管理,经济学,古文学),诗词鉴赏,
一个图片站,主要是美女图片和搞笑图片,
一个Flash站,各种类型的flash
一个软件下载站,
一个明星博客,做专题明星关注
一个广告联盟,希望会员会因为我为他们的付出,来这里帮我点广告,为了顾及访问速度,和会员的心情,我的网站只是将极少部分的广告放上了各个页面,大部分都放在广告联盟,也许有的会员会说你怎么不一个都不放呢,我比较了一些,我觉得没有广告划分结构,总觉得论坛少了点什么,广告有时候也是能让我的网站更像网站的。

一个网站多用户流量统计系统,一方面对各个分站统计,一方面免费提供给网友。
2个同学录,一个高中,一个大学,只针对我自己和我的同学,算是私人服务
一个社区,这是我主要经营的,在里面,我添加了,结婚,勋章,打劫,游戏,音乐,点歌,足彩,天气预报,万年历,许愿池,在线聊天等功能,还有我从网上精心挑选的十几个小游戏,都是我爱不释手的小游戏,在论坛里发帖有奖励机制,帮助宣传论坛也有奖励机制,赚来的钱有地方花,还有各种排行榜,可以充分调动会员的积极性。

我对论坛寄予的希望比较大,但我对宣传论坛,经营论坛都没有什么经验,还是一边摸索一边前进。

再说一说我的网站名称,整个网站的名称,我叫网事部落,部落有家的含义,有群居的含义,希望会员可以以这里为家。落地生根,而网事,跟往事谐音,今天所做的事,到了明天就变成往事,而且,对我们这些在论坛里的人来说,这些往事也正是网事。
然后就是注册国际域名,这是个跟全世界抢注好域名的过程,很多好名字都被用过了,像我以前想好的nettown,netcity,netstyle,ething,等等,我想了几百个,还请朋友们帮我想,可是都被人家皆足先登,再退而求其次的形势下,我变换字母,最后就得到了我现在注册的域名,说实话我还是很满意的。叫eboluo.com
写全就是http://www.eboluo.com
读起来像是e菠萝,但是仔细联想一下就知道是可以和网事部落联系起来的。

从这个过程中,我也知道了很多道理,比如说域名,本身就是个形象问题,是宣传的利器,是广告,所以慎重是应该的,其次,角度不同能想到的名字也不一样,而你越是立足点高,你的名字也就越好,比如开始我还是想做一个个人网站,但是我想一旦将来有机会,我就可以创业,如果是为那时候抢注域名,我会用什么呢,等等种种思考。我想所有做网站申请国际域名的人都有这个过程的,只是用的时间长短不一样,我之所以想这么长的时间,是因为我的第一个域名起的优点长了,不过也挺好叫ithunter.com,是不是,中国IT猎人网,现在这个已经不用了,空间慢,域名我也不想沿用,或者我以后还会把中国IT猎人网做下去,虽然做什么还没想好,但是一定会继续用这个域名,因为我觉得猎人这个词也是很有意境的,我可以猎很多东西,包括人。

说了这么多,也有点为自己网站宣传的意思,我以后在我的博客里将这样宣传,在我的每一个文章的前面放上我的网站名称,域名,以及近期动态新闻,或者特色。可以说花了这么多心血在这里面不做好了,对不起自己,我这半个月,除了睡觉和吃饭都在整合我的网站,我对Php还不太熟,遇到错误也挺不好办的。最终我还是弄出个东西来,尽管这些天每天只吃一餐,也值了。我是一个疯狂的人,我在1个多月的时间里,买个2个虚拟主机,2个国际域名,而我还只是个学生,哈哈。希望此文对和我一样疯狂,但是还在迷惑中的人有帮助。

下面是本站站长广告:
欢迎大家访问我的个人网站,并在我网站的社区里扎根,发帖。
网站名称:网事部落
网站永久顶级域名:www.eboluo.com
(帮助记忆,e菠萝,网站社区的金币单位为e菠萝币)
本站特色:访问速度快的软件下载系统,链接多数好使,音乐歌词搜索系统以及在线试听,明星专栏,精彩社区,以及社区的娱乐设施,各种资源,包括星座和脚本。等
本站近期更新:增加了网站流量统计系统,统计科学,功能多,免费,使用简单。



一直想做交友和校友录,不过负担不起图片上传功能
还有一些资源分站,我这个网站现在结构还是很庞大的,但是比较空旷,随意刚刚起步的这些日子我是比较辛苦的,要不断地充实我的网站,我都不太敢大肆的宣传,怕人来了又走了,我只是告诉我的一些朋友,让他们来帮我充实论坛。
我的网站的很多连接都是盗链的,我不能说我这么做对,但是也是没办法的,归根结底我是个个人网站,没有能力负担这些资源性质的东西,我只是敢做一些不费空间的,不费流量的东西

2004年11月30日







作者:skytrace  来源:先锋网  加入时间:2004-11-25  

    Windows Update Services(WUS)是微软新的系统补丁发放服务器,它是Software Update Services(SUS1.0)的升级版本。相对于SUS,WUS除了可以给Windows系统提供升级补丁外,还可以给微软的Office,SQL Server等软件提供补丁升级服务,该服务器和SUS一样依然是免费组件。

    作为最新版本,WUS新增了改良的管理员控制处理,减少网络带宽影响和使用、发布剩余报告信息功能、对最终用户的优化、增加管理员管理等功能。目前WUS还属于公开测试阶段,只支持Win2000 Server和Win2003 Server,下面我们就通过图片来看看WUS究竟是什么样吧!官方网站 | 试用版申请地址

    在安装的时候要注意,安装该软件的测试版,服务器端的软件有下列要求:

    英文或者日文版的Windows Server 2003,同时需要已经装好IIS

    启用ASP.NET
    安装.NET Framework 1.1 SP1
    安装Background Intelligent Transfer Service (BITS)2.0

    或者
    英文版或日文版的Windows 2000 Server SP4,已经装好IIS
    安装.NET Framework 1.1和.NET Framework 1.1 SP1
    安装Background Intelligent Transfer Service 2.0
    安装SQL Server 2000 Desktop Engine (MSDE)或SQL Server 2000

    首先看看管理首页的截图:




    从图上可以看到,WUS的界面更加严谨,可以直接从上面看到更新数,已下载的数据量,已使用过该服务的客户段的数量,需要处理的任务等统计信息,右边还有服务器同步情况显示等,使你对服务器当前的情况一目了然。

    Updates界面:




    在WUS中,已经同步回来的更新不再像以前那样都挤在一起,而是可以通过设置不同的筛选器来找出自己需要检查的更新。

    计算机组功能:




    这是一个比较重要的功能,利用该功能,我们可以把同一部门或者其它具有同种属性的电脑归到一组,而每个同步回来的补丁程序都可以针对每组计算机设置是否允许该组安装。例如,我们可以把某个部门的所有电脑都归到一组,然后设置禁止该组的计算机安装XP的SP2。

    配置信息的总览:




    在服务器配置好后,若不能对自己配置的服务器有个总括,多少会担心有没有哪个地方没有设置到位或者设置出错。现在有了这个功能,服务器的一切配置情况都一目了然,尽在掌握了。

    除了系统的关键更新之外,WUS还提供驱动程序,部署工具,功能包等程序的下载,最重要的是还提供了Office XP/2003的关键更新:




    虽然目前WUS仅提供英文版,但它所提供的更新补丁还是按照你所选择的语言来发放了,所以若是没有特别需要,还是选择系统的默认语言吧。




    最后我们来看看WUS将会为哪些系统提供服务:




    由图可以看出,虽然目前仅支持Server系列操作系统,但今后的Windows补丁(Win9x之类的除外)都将会通过WUS来发放,有了WUS,用户将可以更方便,更合理地配置自己的机器/服务器。安装了Windows Server Family并有兴趣尝试WUS的朋友可以通过上面提供的地址申请测试WUS。

    注:本文图片及部分内容引用了DRL论坛的c_c_liu朋友的文章,特此感谢!

2004年11月08日

Written by: Marta Kauffman & David Crane
Transcribed by: guineapig

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[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]

Monica: What you guys don’t understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.

Joey: Yeah, right!…….Y’serious?

Phoebe: Oh, yeah!

Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.

Monica: Absolutely.

Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y’know? I mean it’s like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.

Ross: Yeah, and-and it’s not that we don’t like the comedian, it’s that-that… that’s not why we bought the ticket.

Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert’s over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y’know? I mean, we’re in the car, we’re fighting traffic… basically just trying to stay awake.

Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you’re gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.

Joey: (pause) ….Are we still talking about sex?

Opening Credits

[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]

Ross: No, it’s good, it is good, it’s just that- mm- doesn’t she seem a little angry?

Marsha: Well, she has issues.

Ross: Does she.

Marsha: He’s out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!

Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like ‘Gee, that glacier’s getting kinda close.’ See?

Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn’t that your ex-wife?

(Carol, Ross’s ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)

Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.

Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!

Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I’ll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.

(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)

Ross:Hi.

Carol: So.

Ross: You look great. I, uh… I hate that.

Carol: Sorry. You look good too.

Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who… stands erect… So what’s new? Still, uh…

Carol: A lesbian?

Ross: Well… you never know. How’s, um.. how’s the family?

Carol: Marty’s still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-

Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?

Carol: I’m pregnant.

Ross: Pregnant?!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]

Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding.

Phoebe:…Then I’ve already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)

Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?

Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.

Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?!

Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn’t need it, so I balled it up and… (sees that Monica is glaring at him) …now I wish I was dead.

(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)

Phoebe: She’s already fluffed that pillow… Monica, you know, you’ve already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it’s fine!

Monica: Look , I’m sorry, guys, I just don’t wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.

Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child’s pillow.

Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you’re scaring me. I mean, you’re like, you’re like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.

Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don’t see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.

Monica: That’s because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y’see, he’s the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.

Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!

Monica: What?

Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!

All: Eeaagh!

(Rachel enters from her room.)

Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?

Phoebe: Yeah, it’s beautiful.

Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God…. (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)

Phoebe: No, look, don’t touch that!

Rachel: Oh, like I wasn’t dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him… ‘Hi Barry! Remember me? I’m the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!’ Oh God and now I’m gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder…

Monica: Easy Rach, we’ll find it. (To all) Won’t we!

Chandler and Joey:Oh! Yeah!

Joey: Alright, when’d'ya have it on last?

Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!

Chandler: You don’t get a lot of ‘doy’ these days…

Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with…

Chandler: …Dinah?

Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don’t be mad…

Monica: You didn’t.

Rachel: Oh, I am sorry…

Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)

Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!

Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that’s not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne…

Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just… can’t do it.

Chandler: Boys? We’re going in.

(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there’s a knock on the door which Monica answers.)

Ross: (standing outside the door) …..Hi.

Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.

Ross: Carol’s pregnant.

Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!

Monica: W-w-wh-… wha-… w-w-w-…

Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)

Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?

Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?

Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I’m not comfortable with it, I don’t have to be involved.. basically it’s entirely up to me.

Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.

Monica: What does she mean by ‘involved’?

Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.

Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.

Rachel: So what are you gonna do?

Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I’m still gonna be a father.

(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)

Joey: …..Well, this is still ruined, right?

[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]

Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin’s daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What’s that curry taste?

Monica: Curry.

Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!

Ross: I- I think they’re great! I, I really do.

Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn’t she?

Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.

Ross: Aw, Mom…

Monica: I’m sorry, why is this girl going to call me?

Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or…. I don’t know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-

Monica: No Mom, I don’t have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.

Mrs. Geller: Well, they don’t have to know that… (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)

Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?

Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)

Mrs. Geller: Oh, we’re having spaghetti! That’s…. easy.

Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.

[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]

Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life…. We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.

Mr. Geller: I’m not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding… but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!

Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar…

Monica: What’s that supposed to mean?

Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It’s an expression.

Monica: No it’s not.

Mr. Geller: Don’t listen to your mother. You’re independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid… and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles…

[Time Lapse.]

Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I’m telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.

[Time Lapse.]

Mr. Geller: …And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God ‘Our Little Harmonica’ doesn’t seem to have that problem.

Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what’s going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?

Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here’s the deal. Carol’s a lesbian. She’s living with a woman named Susan. She’s pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.

(Stunned silence ensues.)

Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?!

Commercial Break

[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]

Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?

Ross: Well, y’know, these people are pros. They know what they’re doing, they take their time, they get the job done.

Monica: Boy, I know they say you can’t change your parents,… boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I’d want yours.

Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.)

Phoebe: Y’know, it’s even worse when you’re twins.

Rachel: You’re twins?

Phoebe: Yeah. We don’t speak. She’s like this high-powered, driven career type.

Chandler: What does she do?

Phoebe: She’s a waitress.

Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.)

Monica: Chandler, you’re an only child, right? You don’t have any of this.

Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who… my parents actually preferred.

Rachel: The lights, please..

(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)

Ross: …How long was I in there?

Rachel: I’m just cleaning up.

Ross: D’ya.. uh.. d’ya need any help?

Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)

Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?

Rachel: Oh.. a little..

Ross: Mm-hmm..

Rachel: A lot.

Ross: Mm.

Rachel: So, got any advice? Y’know, as someone who’s recently been- dumped?

Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word ‘dumped’. Chances are he’s gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y’know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it’ll be hard. Or, y’know, uh, hey!, I’ll go down there, and I’ll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN…

Rachel: Oh, you’ve got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?

Ross: Got me.

Rachel: Remember when we were in high school together?

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: I mean, didn’t you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that’d be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?

Ross: Yes, yes!

Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I’d be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)

Ross: Me either… (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn’t have to move his hand.)

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]

Ross: (entering) Sorry I’m late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.

(Susan enters holding a drink.)

Susan: Hi.

Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.

Ross: How could I forget?

Susan: Ross.

Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we’re just waiting for…?

Carol: Dr. Oberman.

Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-

Susan: She.

Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?

Carol: Yes, and she’s very supportive.

Ross: Okay, that’s great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I’m- Oh.

Carol: Thanks.

Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..

Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)

[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]

Rachel: Barry?

Barry: C’mon in.

Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sure?

Barry: Yeah! It’s fine, it’s fine. Robbie’s gonna be here for hours.

Robbie: Huh?!

Barry: So, how ya doin?

Rachel: I’m- uh- I’m okay… You look great!

Barry: Yeah, well..

Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein’s gagging.

Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.

(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)

Rachel: I dumped him.

Robbie: Okay.

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]

Ross: So, um- so how’s this, uh, how’s this gonna work? Y’know, with us? Y’know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?

Carol: Give me a ‘for instance’.

Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don’t know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby’s name?

Carol: Marlon-

Ross: Marlon?!

Carol: -if it’s a boy, Minnie if it’s a girl.

Ross: …As in Mouse?

Carol: As in my grandmother.

Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?

Carol: Julia..

Susan: We agreed on Minnie.

Ross: ‘S’funny, um, uh, we agreed we’d spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia’s on the table..?

[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]

Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?

Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.

Barry: Oh, that’s great.

Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?

Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.

Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?

Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.

Robbie: Me?!

Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.

Rachel: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!

Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we’re kind of a thing now.

Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You’ve got plugs!

Barry: Careful! They haven’t quite taken yet.

Rachel: And you’ve got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!

Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.

Rachel: Okay..

Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I’ve ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I’m an orthodontist.

Rachel: Wow.

Barry: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren’t happy. But with Mindy, now I’m happy. Spit.

Rachel: What?

Robbie: Me. (Spits.)

Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.

Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.

(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)

Robbie: Hello?!

[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]

Susan: Oh, please! What’s wrong with Helen?

Ross: Helen Geller? I don’t think so.

Carol: Hello? It’s not gonna be Helen Geller.

Ross: Thank you!

Carol: No, I mean it’s not Geller.

Ross: What, it’s gonna be Helen Willick?

Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.

Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?

Susan: It’s my baby too.

Ross: Oh, ’s’funny, really? Um, I don’t remember you making any sperm.

Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!

Carol: All right, you two, stop it!

Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I’m in there too.

Carol: Ross. You’re not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? ‘Cause I think that borders on child abuse.

Ross: Of course not, I’m… suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.

Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he’s doing? He knows no-one’s gonna say all those names, so they’ll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!

Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y’know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I’m not, I can’t do-

Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?

All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.

Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..

Ross: You- uh- y’know what, I’m gonna go. I don’t- I don’t think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.

(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.)

Ross: Oh my God.

Susan: Look at that.

Carol: I know.

Closing Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]

Ross: Well? Isn’t that amazing?

Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?

Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it’s about to attack the Enterprise.

Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.

Ross: Then don’t do that, alright?

Phoebe: Okay!

Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing) Monica. Whaddya think?

Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.

Ross: Wh- are you welling up?

Monica: No.

Ross: You are, you’re welling up.

Monica: Am not!

Ross: You’re gonna be an aunt.

Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!

Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it’s Rachel. Yeah, I’m fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it’s okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y’know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.

End

 

Written by: Marta Kauffman & David Crane
Transcribed by: guineapig
Additional transcribing by: Eric Aasen
(Note: The previously unseen parts of this episode are shown in blue text.)

——————————————————————————–

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]

Monica: There’s nothing to tell! He’s just some guy I work with!

Joey: C’mon, you’re going out with the guy! There’s gotta be something wrong with him!

Chandler:All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?

Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?

(They all stare, bemused.)

Phoebe: Just, ’cause, I don’t want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!

Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

[Time Lapse]

Chandler: Alright, so I’m back in high school, I’m standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.

All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.

Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there’s a phone… there.

Joey: Instead of…?

Chandler: That’s right.

Joey: Never had that dream.

Phoebe: No.

Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don’t know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.

Monica: And they weren’t looking at you before?!

Chandler: Finally, I figure I’d better answer it, and it turns out it’s my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!

[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]

Ross: (mortified) Hi.

Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.

Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?

Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck…

Chandler: Cookie?

Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.

Joey: Ohh.

Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.

Ross: Thanks.

Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)

Ross: No, no don’t! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?

Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!

Ross: I’ll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she’ll be very happy.

Monica: No you don’t.

Ross: No I don’t, to hell with her, she left me!

Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian…

Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn’t know, how should I know?

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian… (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?

Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.

Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., “I’ll never have grandchildren, I’ll never have grandchildren.” was what? A wrong number?

Ross: Sorry.

Joey: Alright Ross, look. You’re feeling a lot of pain right now. You’re angry. You’re hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?

(Ross gestures his consent.)

Joey: Strip joint! C’mon, you’re single! Have some hormones!

Ross: I don’t want to be single, okay? I just… I just- I just wanna be married again!

(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)

Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)

Monica: Rachel?!

Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren’t there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!

Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?

Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?

Rachel: Hi, sure!

Ross: Hi.

(They go to hug but Ross’s umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)

Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?

Rachel: Oh God… well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet ‘n’ Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that’s when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y’know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but… Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering ‘Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?’. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn’t know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in the city.

Monica: Who wasn’t invited to the wedding.

Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn’t be an issue… [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]

Monica: Now I’m guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she’s really not happy about it.

Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!

Ross: (in a deep voice) I’ll have whatever Christine is having.

Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just… I can’t marry him! I’m sorry. I just don’t love him. Well, it matters to me!

(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)

Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.

Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.

Joey: I say push her down the stairs.

Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!

(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)

Rachel: C’mon Daddy, listen to me! It’s like, it’s like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, ‘You’re a shoe! You’re a shoe, you’re a shoe, you’re a shoe!’. And today I just stopped and I said, ‘What if I don’t wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y’know? Or a- or a hat! No, I’m not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I’m saying I am a ha- It’s a metaphor, Daddy!

Ross: You can see where he’d have trouble.

Rachel: Look Daddy, it’s my life. Well maybe I’ll just stay here with Monica.

Monica: Well, I guess we’ve established who’s staying here with Monica…

Rachel: Well, maybe that’s my decision. Well, maybe I don’t need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!

[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]

Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that’s it. Just try to think of nice calm things…

Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens… La la la la…something and noodles with string. These are a few…

Rachel: I’m all better now.

Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!

Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y’know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, ‘hat’ thing.

Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he’s away a lot.

Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It’s her wedding day!

Joey: What, like there’s a rule or something?

(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)

Chandler: Please don’t do that again, it’s a horrible sound.

Paul: (over the intercom) It’s, uh, it’s Paul.

Monica:Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!

Joey: Who’s Paul?

Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?

Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your ‘not a real date’ tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?

Ross: He finally asked you out?

Monica: Yes!

Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.

Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel…

Rachel: Please, no, go, that’d be fine!

Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?

Ross: (choked voice) That’d be good…

Monica: (horrified) Really?

Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It’s Paul the Wine Guy!

Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn’t know.)

(There’s a knock on the door and it’s Paul.)

Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.) … everybody, everybody, this is Paul.

All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!

Chandler: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. Paul, was it?

Monica:Okay, umm-umm, I’ll just–I’ll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah…

Ross: A wandering?

Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.

Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can’t be good.

(Monica goes to change.)

Joey: Hey, Paul!

Paul: Yeah?

Joey: Here’s a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.

Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!

Ross: So Rachel, what’re you, uh… what’re you up to tonight?

Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!

Ross: Right, you’re not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year… talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards… Anyway, if you don’t feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.

Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we’re very excited about it.

Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I’m just gonna hang out here tonight. It’s been kinda a long day.

Ross: Okay, sure.

Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?

Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]

Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love…is like a giant pigeon…crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la…ohhh!

[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]

Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I’m supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.

(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)

Joey: I’m thinking we’ve got a bookcase here.

Chandler: It’s a beautiful thing.

Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What’s this?

Chandler: I would have to say that is an ‘L’-shaped bracket.

Joey: Which goes where?

Chandler: I have no idea.

(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)

Joey: Done with the bookcase!

Chandler: All finished!

Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol’s favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.

Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you’re gonna start with that stuff we’re outta here.

Chandler: Yes, please don’t spoil all this fun.

Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?

Ross: You guys.

Chandler: Oh, God.

Joey: You got screwed.

Chandler: Oh my God!

[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]

Monica: Oh my God!

Paul: I know, I know, I’m such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?

Monica: My brother’s going through that right now, he’s such a mess. How did you get through it?

Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-

Monica: -leg?

Paul: (laughing) That’s one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.

Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend’s favorite bath towel.

Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.

Monica: That’s right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]

Rachel: Barry, I’m sorry… I am so sorry… I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn’t… it isn’t, it’s about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again… anyway…look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn’t me, it’s not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too… (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)

[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]

Ross: I’m divorced! I’m only 26 and I’m divorced!

Joey: Shut up!

Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)

Ross: That only took me an hour.

Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven’t had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don’t do it! I don’t think that was my point!

Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there’s only one woman for everybody, y’know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that’s it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her…

Joey: What are you talking about? ‘One woman’? That’s like saying there’s only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There’s lots of flavors out there. There’s Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get ‘em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!

Ross: I honestly don’t know if I’m hungry or horny.

Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]

Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh…

Monica: What?….. What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?

Paul: No, it’s, it’s more of a fifth date kinda revelation.

Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?

Paul: Isn’t there?

Monica: Yeah… yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?

Paul: Well, ever-ev-… ever since she left me, um, I haven’t been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) …Sexually.

Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry… I am so sorry…

Paul: It’s okay…

Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um… how long?

Paul: Two years.

Monica: Wow! I’m-I’m-I’m glad you smashed her watch!

Paul: So you still think you, um… might want that fifth date?

Monica: (pause) …Yeah. Yeah, I do.

[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]

Priest on TV:We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.

Rachel: Oh…see… but Joanne loved Chachi! That’s the difference!

[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]

Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve grabbed a spoon? Do the words ‘Billy, don’t be a hero’ mean anything to you?

Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea–Angela–Andrea… Oh man, (looks to Chandler)

Chandler: Angela’s the screamer, Andrea has cats.

Joey: Right. Thanks. It’s June. I’m outta here. (Exits.)

Ross: Y’know, here’s the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,… who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)

[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]

Commercial Break

[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]

Rachel: Isn’t this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.

Chandler: That is amazing.

Joey: Congratulations.

Rachel: Y’know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn’t anything I can’t do.

Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn’t anything I can’t do.

Joey: Listen, while you’re on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something… (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I’m really not that hungry…

Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.

All: Morning. Good morning.

Paul: (entering from Monica’s room) Morning.

Joey: Morning, Paul.

Rachel: Hello, Paul.

Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?

(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can’t hear. The others move Monica’s table closer to the door so that they can.)

Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!

Monica: Stop!

Paul: No, I’m telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.

Monica: We’ll talk later.

Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)

Joey: That wasn’t a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?

Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.

All: Okayyy! (They do so.)

Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don’t input those numbers,… it doesn’t make much of a difference…

Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?

Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that’s how we buy stuff.

Joey: Yeah, I’m an actor.

Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?

Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.

Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns’ production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.

Joey: Look, it was a job all right?

Chandler: ‘Look, Gippetto, I’m a real live boy.’

Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)

Chandler: You’re right, I’m sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) “Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy…”

Joey: You should both know, that he’s a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)

Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can’t stop smiling.

Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.

Monica: I know, he’s just so, so… Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?

Rachel: Oh, yeah.

Monica: Well, it’s like that. With feelings.

Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.

Monica: Big time!

Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.

Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of ourselves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I’m just gonna get up and go to work.

Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!

Monica: What for?

Rachel: I’m gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.

(Monica exits.)

[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]

Frannie: Hey, Monica!

Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?

Frannie: You had sex, didn’t you?

Monica: How do you do that?

Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I’m pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you’re having sex! So? Who?

Monica: You know Paul?

Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.

Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?

Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y’know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]

Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch) Of course it was a line!

Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?

Ross: I assume we’re looking for an answer more sophisticated than ‘to get you into bed’.

Monica: I hate men! I hate men!

Phoebe: Oh no, don’t hate, you don’t want to put that out into the universe.

Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?

Phoebe: All right, c’mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)

Monica: I just thought he was nice, y’know?

Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can’t believe you didn’t know it was a line!

(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)

Rachel: Guess what?

Ross: You got a job?

Rachel: Are you kidding? I’m trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.

Chandler: And yet you’re surprisingly upbeat.

Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!

Chandler: Oh, how well you know me…

Rachel: They’re my new ‘I don’t need a job, I don’t need my parents, I’ve got great boots’ boots!

Monica: How’d you pay for them?

Rachel: Uh, credit card.

Monica: And who pays for that?

Rachel: Um… my… father.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]

Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.

Monica: C’mon, you can’t live off your parents your whole life.

Rachel: I know that. That’s why I was getting married.

Phoebe: Give her a break, it’s hard being on your own for the first time.

Rachel: Thank you.

Phoebe: You’re welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn’t know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.

(Pause)

Ross: The word you’re looking for is ‘Anyway’…

Monica:All right, you ready?

Rachel: No. No, no, I’m not ready! How can I be ready? “Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?” Come on, I can’t do this!

Monica: You can, I know you can!

Rachel: I don’t think so.

Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)

Ross: C’mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,…

All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut… (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)

Rachel: Y’know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It’s kinda like a symbolic gesture…

Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!

All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..

Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y’know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.

(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)

Monica: Welcome to the