That is a very good question Karen since you are the newest member of the Princess Maker family. ^_^

Princess MakerPrincess Maker is the brainchild of Takami Akai and the Gainax Company back in 1991. It involved you (the player) being a great and wonderful warrior defeating an army of demons who have invaded a kingdom. The king not only bestows on you a reward (as thanks), but there was an orphaned little girl who needs a father. Out of the kindness of your heart you take her in as your own to raise and love. Isn’t that sweet? For the next eight years you have her go to school, work, vacation, as well as have go out on adventures. Who knows? By the time she turns eighteen she just might have learned the skills needed to become a princess.

Princess Maker 2Princess Maker was such a big hit in Japan and throughout most of Asia that around 1994 Gainax released Princess Maker 2. Again it was a big success, and there were even hopes of bringing it over the Pacific for a US release. That, however, was not meant to be. Tim Trzepacz of Softegg explains it here. Just like its’ predecessor you are a warrior who saves a kingdom from a demon army attack, gain employment within the kingdom, and raise an adoptive daughter (who was given to you by the Gods). And just like its’ predecessor, you educate her, have her work part time jobs, go out adventuring, and meet the (hopefully) right people; therefore, by the time she turns eighteen she’ll have a good job and a prince of a guy for a husband.

Princess Maker 3By 1996 Mr. Akai left Gainax to form his own software company Ninelives and released Princess Maker 3. Like its’ two predecessors, you have a daughter to raise until her eighteenth birthday. However, things are a little bit different from the other two previous games. Your daughter was once a faery who makes a special request to the Faery Queen: To become a human princess. This time around you (as her father) get to chose what class of job you will have in order to raise your daughter. Another difference with Princess Maker 3 is in fact no adventuring. You may send your daughter to a class on fighting, but she does not go out on her own to slay monsters. Be that as it may, you still send her to classes, take her on vacation, send her off to part time jobs in hopes that she will reach her goal when she becomes eighteen.

Princess Maker 4 Collector's editionNow after eight long years since the release of Princess Maker Q, Princess Maker 4 was finally released (in Japan) on 09/01/05. A babe of the underworld becomes your adoptive daughter, and it is up to you to see if she remains sweet and pure or go back to her demonic roots.

So you see Karen, this is what would have been waiting for you had your game been released. Now our days will be spent with a cute little blonde headed girl who likes to play the flute, and has a purple teddy bear.

i probably say it has been a long time that i have been searching in the net to find the english verson of princess maker.

and now i get it .what a day~

Download Princess Maker 2!

Now, unzip the contents of the file to a directory (say C:\PM2) and run PM2.EXE. However, under Windows XP you will get no sound and the game will run very slowly. That’s no good at all. So while you’re at it, download this DOS emulator. This will emulate all DOS functions and sound on a Windows 2000/XP machine. Install the program and run it. You’ll get a DOS screen. Assuming that you unzipped Princess Maker 2 to the directory C:\PM2 then you’ll need to type in these commands.

mount c c:\
This will mount your C drive to the DOS emulators c drive.

This changes the directory to the emulated C drive.

This changes the directory to PM2.

This runs the setup program so you can setup sound. When you go into the setup program, choose Change setup options and then change sound drive to Sound Blaster. The change will be reflected in the box on the left hand side of the screen. Now choose quit. This will dump you back to DOS. Now type in:

This runs the game. Press Function+F12 to speed it up if the initial settings on the DOS emulator are too slow.

If you have problems, e-mail me and I’ll set you straight.

Oh, one final note. To run DOSBox full screen, change the setting in the dosbox.conf file so that fullscreen=true.

Okay, last note. I promise. But just so that you all take the burden of fatherhood seriously, this is what might happen if you don’t. You have been warned!

Posted by phooeyhoo at 06:19 PM | Comments (3) | Video Games

Princess Maker 2

It’s been a week since Phooeyhoo last posted. For a while, it looked like the posting wouldn’t end. The week beginning March 15th saw an insane five out of six days of posting. But then silence. What happened? This. The first comprehensive review of Princess Maker 2. As Blog has often said in the past: "Be afraid!"

The Japanese are a weird lot and this is manifested most evidently in their love of anime, pornography, and video games. In the past, many Japanese video games have not made the jump to the states because Japanese executives deemed that U.S. audiences just weren’t ready for such sophistication. Translation: this game is too weird and won’t sell any copies in the states.


I must digress here and say that there are notable exceptions to the above. Final Fantasy VI was translated into the states as Final Fantasy III. The translation adulterated the core of the game but, nevertheless, Final Fantasy III US was still a great game. This is a testament to the designers at Squaresoft. Part of blame for the mangled translation was due to Nintendo USA and they have paid dearly for it. Most notably, by the fact that Final Fantasy VII went on to sell more Play Stations than Howard & Nester could ever have fathomed. The original Japanese Final Fantasy VI dealt with issues such as abortion, suicide, death, and loss — things that Nintendo USA did not want to touch. So all of these important and prevalent themes were axed from the English translation. A sad chapter in the translation of games but Squaresoft has moved on and now controls all of their translations. Too bad that games like Final Fantasy X-2 (while fun, I’ll give you that) go nowhere near the poignancy and depth that Final Fantasy VI dared to venture towards. Anyway, these are remnants of thoughts for another article on video games. This article is on Princess Maker 2.

Now, I am not a historian. However, I did take a nifty class called The History of Western Civilization where I was taught that trivial observations are more than meets the eye. As one must ask why weapons, then loaves of bread, and finally shoes were banned at certain medieval meetings, so we must ask: Princess Maker 2? That’s right. The concept of the Princess Maker game was so popular that it spawned a sequel. That means, enough people must have bought the original game and demand must have been high enough to justify a sequel. For the curious, there are now innumerable variations of Princess Maker games. The core series is up to 3 with many "spinoffs" for various systems. Anyway, on to the review!

The Story
Yes, there is actually a story to Princess Maker 2. In case it’s not obvious by now, the point of Princess Maker 2 is to make a princess. Let us go back to the days of kindergarten and the magical circle or carpet or whatever the fuck it was. It’s story time, kids!

Once, long ago, in a kingdom far far away the people lived in debauchery and sloth. (No, I am not making this up.) Coquettes lined the streets to perform a fuck and a suck for a buck. Okay, so I made that part up. What’s important is that the Lord grew angry at the people and naturally did what any Lord would do — he sent the Demon King to kill everyone. Since the King’s army had been more concerned with hedonism then
fighting and preparing for battle, they were thoroughly thrashed. That’s when you (well, me in this case since I’m the one playing the game and reviewing it) come in! Let’s zoom in on the action!

Who says that being a wandering swordsman doesn’t have its benefits? Sometimes while you’re walking around you roll on into the Demon King! Now prepare for battle!

Wait? That’s it! I won? I mean, huzzah! And don’t come back!

Does that mean Pat Robertson is dead?

I must be forged in the tradition of reticent heroes. That or I was eating a bagel at the time. Yum … bagel.

Must be a busy guy with all the worlds he has to take over and all. It was a nice chat, though.

Damn straight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you did was opprobrious. Now you can make up for it by giving me a big fat reward. I have a proclivity towards gold bars and diamonds.

I believe that this has been well established. Now, about that reward …

Well, okay. But I’m charging you overtime for any help I provide above the reward for getting rid of the Demon Lord. I’d better start an invoice here.

That’s it? That’s the reward? A salary from the king? No gold? No diamonds? No jewels? Why do I feel there’s a big CHUMP stapled to my forehead?

Ah, the heavens have seen my good deeds. I’m bound to get something good now. I might have to build a castle to store my swag …

Yep. That’s my name. Don’t overuse it.

This better not be like that voice in Field of Dreams. I don’t want to have to build a stupid baseball park or anything like that.

I hope they’re not hurling my treasure from the heavens. Haven’t they heard of the dinosaurs? I can’t spend treasure if everyone is dead.

Maybe it’s a magical jewel? Wonder how much I can get for it in a trade-in?

You have got to be fucking with me.

I thought Hades was the Lord of Hell. What’s he doing in the illegal baby trade? Isn’t that Craig’s department? At least I got to name the kid. Why GeorgesBrassens? Because it would be hilarious if someone went up to your daughter and asked, "What’s your name, little girl?" and she replied, "My name’s Georges Brassens!"

And how does this concern me exactly?

I’m not liking the way this is going. It seems to me an awful lot like the responsibilities of fatherhood without any of the sex.

On second thought, a reward really is unnecessary. I was just happy to help.

Can’t I exchange her for a nice horse & carriage?

Just what I need. A God watching me 24/7. Why does this seem like it’s less of a reward and more of a jack?


And so a year passed as the incredulous Phooeyhoo was suddenly thrust into the responsibilities of paternity without any of the sex. Like Amy of Futurama, the only waves he would be surfing would be waves of responsibility. Until one day …

The Gameplay
Gameplay consists of Hades’s instructions. Whatever actions you choose for your daughter will determine her future. And the replayability here is enormous. Depending on your actions, your daughter can end up in one of a dozen careers including housewife, Queen, magician hero, whore, or even the Queen of Darkness.


Playing the game consists of balancing your daughter’s schedule with your money and her fatigue. You get to decide which classes she takes, which jobs she pursues and, generally, what she does with her life. These decisions, in turn, effect statistics that will ultimately determines her lot in life. Seems simple enough, huh? Well, it’s not. Dave and I thought we were doing the right thing. We needed to make money to send her to classes. So we sent her off to do the most lucrative job possible at age 11: lumberjack. But this just turned her into a 12 year old monstrosity. During a chat with our kid during this awkward time of her life she said, "I don’t feel comfortable with all the other girls. I’m just so big!" This led to the selling of her morals which led to more bad stuff until, I think, she ended up as a disgruntled poet or something who hated our guts. Stupid bitch. After all those magic classes we had her take she still held selling her morals against us.

Adding to the replay value of the game, depending on the career choice that you set out for your daughter, there are many "mini-games". For example, there is the September Fair where your daughter will compete and may gain a rival who will shadow her for the rest of her days. If you choose an adventuring career (either as a magician or warrior) then you can go on little RPG adventures that will remind you of Dragon Quest and Final Fantasy where you wander around the countryside slaying monsters and stuff. Except, since this is a true Japanese game, you may end up getting raped by bandits or turning into the Demon Lord. Just fun filled family fare like that.

And did I mention that your daughter is kind of a whiny little brat as well? Exert too little control and she’ll do whatever the hell she pleases and be smug as hell. Exert too much control and she’ll run away from home. All potential parents should have to play this game as a prerequisite for parenthood. Your efficacy depends on the past skill sets you have developed for your daughter along with what skills you’re currently weaning her towards. You can’t just expect to make her a warrior hero and then have her work at an inn. It’s all about striking a fine balance.

And along the way, you’ll be visited by Gods and demons and fortune tellers. Yes, as alluded above, you may even have the chance to sell your daughter’s morals! (Hell, yes!) This is not recommended unless you want her to hate your guts.

The Characters
Some of the characters that inhabit the world of Princess Maker 2 are too hilarious to pass up. Here are some of the more memorable ones.

Bartholomew the Elder Phooeyhoo.com’s Chief Etiquette Officer makes a cameo in Princess Maker 2 as the instructor of etiquette. He’ll teach your daughter proper decorum and the ways of propriety as well as being so recondite that no one will understand what the fuck she’s saying. You’ll need his help or else when she visits the royal court she’s bound to commit some heinous faux pas such as saying, "Hi, Knight!" to the knight or worst, "Hi, King!" to the king. You can bet that these high brow pedants aren’t going to stick around very long to have tea with that type of primitive peasant.
Arch Bishop The arch bishop of the land who you can talk to if your etiquette and faith are high enough. But, should you not have enough etiquette this is what you’ll see:

Not the way to make a very good impression, if you ask me.

Royal Concubine If you thought tact was necessary to talk to the Arch Bishop, you better believe it’s doubly important here.
The King He’s the bastard that screws your character over with nothing but a measly low wage job after you rescued the kingdom. Not even a cushy little sinecure. Sigh. But if your daughter wants to climb up to political greatness, she’s going to have to rub elbows with the top.
The Prince He only shows up on January 31st but if your daughter can get in bed with him …. the sky is the limit. Otherwise, the limit is the sky.
Cube He’s the butler that helps with all of the chores at home. Not sure if he was part of your prize or if you’re actually paying him on the side. He’ll occasionally say annoying things such as, "You should buy your daughter a winter coat," and other obvious crap. Playing around with the cheat file reveals that under the right set of conditions, gulp, your daughter can actually marry him. Better pick your suitors carefully.
The Nun This God fearing woman works at the church and teaches theology. Working for her is hilarious:

Don’t drop those plates, girl. Her teachings increases faith and her classes increase magical defense, but drops intelligence. Go figure.

The Lumber Jack Our daughter spent way too much time with him. She had a strength of well over 50 when she was 12.
Sam If you want your daughter to walk the path of Britney or Christina, you’ll need to contact Sam when she’s of the legal age. At the sleazy bar she’ll learn everything but how to sing. (That’s a job for the cabaret.)

The Endings
Here are only a few of the possible endings in Princess Maker 2.

Queen If you max out most of her stats and have a great reputation, your daughter will ascend to the throne. Good job!
Writer This is what my daughter ended up being. And a disgruntled one at that. I figure that if I hadn’t sold her morals, she might have ended up as a regular old lumberjack.
Lumberjack What she would have been had I not sold her morals.
Concubine Just think. Only one point in charisma decides whether your daughter will be the concubine or the queen. Now that’s harsh.
Divorcee Not sure what you have to do to make your daughter a divorcee but it can happen.
Ph.D. Eight years of grad school will turn your daughter into a Professor and Ph.D. I can only hope the same will be said of me.
M.S. If she lacks the dedication and can’t finish that dissertation then she’s ABD and it’s nothing more than a masters degree for her. I hope the same won’t be said of me.
Housewife If your daughter becomes this then it’s a sad commentary on her life.
Grave Keeper Hey, somebody has to do it.
Wench Well, at least the tips are good.
Cabaret Dancer Doesn’t she look a bit like Bjork?
Bondage Queen Although only a difference of one word, being the Queen and being a Bondage Queen are two different vocations entirely.
Queen of Darkness Whoa, you really screwed up this time!

Graphics and Sound
This game was made back in 1994 and it shows. But, honestly, it takes us back to bygone eras when fancy 3D graphics weren’t needed. The graphics and sound provide the perfect ambiance for such a game. The animations are hilarious (try making her do a job for which she is not qualified) and are perfect. The instructors are hilarious. Simply by waving a sword or tapping at a podium, they manage to instruct your daughter. Even the RPG portion of the game is well done for the time period.

The Verdict
Strange Gods giving you baby girls, guiding your daughter through life, ending up as a bondage queen? What other game lets you do this?

Final Grade: A+